Wednesday, October 24, 2018

reflections + forward motion

2019 is 2 months away, but I'm already thinking about it.

Quintile 5 -- as I have defined it -- is one week away, and the theme for this Quintile is reflection.  I may dislike Halloween (I know, I'm such a curmudgeon) but I love Thanksgiving, the winter holidays (even though Christmas isn't my holiday to celebrate, I enjoy the spirit in the air around that time!), and the New Year.


Reflective mornings haven't exactly been a thing around here for a while.  Back in 2016/early 2017, I used to journal, meditate, and really start each weekday with intention.  I really enjoyed this routine.  Then pregnancy nausea hit, and then fatigue, and then a baby!!  

ALLLL of that was more than worth it, but man -- it has been a while.  G is still not sleeping all the way through, but let me tell you -- one wakeup at 3 am feels like heaven to me!  It's all relative, I guess.

Anyway, I decided to officially open up my season of reflection this morning with Inkwell Press's goal-setting planner (review coming up in a future Friday post).  It has been A YEAR, one worthy of really processing, and I feel like I have a lot of pent-up goals/potential actions to sort through in 2019.

Things that went well:
I am really happy that I stuck with pumping this time around.  We are 10.5 months in.  She is still nursing happily when I'm home, and I am pumping enough (not a ton by any means, but she's eating plenty of food now and seems satisfied!).  

The residency launch!  It has been a difficult work season (due to the pumping, really) but I am so happy with how things have gone overall so far.  I think I contributed in a positive way despite the above challenges and honestly I am just thrilled our residents are really nice and enthusiastic people.  I really hope we can match as well next year!

The podcast has been a bright spot for me - it's just a really fun side project.  

READING.  I am proud of how much I read in 2018!  Plus actively participating in two book clubs - the 'regular' one and the parenting one.  Books were a big theme and comfort for me this year.

Integrating kid #3 into life!  Honestly, I feel like this has gone better than I ever expected.  There are absolutely days that are miserable, and times when I feel frustrated that I can't give A&C as much attention as I'd like.  But overall, G has felt like a natural presence in our home/routine.  She adds so much more than she takes away.  I feel like our family is complete now, and I feel so lucky to have all of them.

Family/quality time with Josh.  In the midst of all of this, I feel like we still managed to make time for each other.  And I think we have done a really good job sharing parenting duties this year.  

Things that have been a struggle:
I beat myself up over the pumping more than necessary, in retrospect.  I did eventually reach a place of acceptance (but to be fair, only once I realized I was going to meet my definition of 'success').  I wish I had been kinder to myself from the outset.  Pumping is one of those goals where one is better off focusing on the effort put in, not the output since it's so beyond your control.

NIGHTS and answering the phone and not feeling so stressed about it.  But I am actively working on this, both in terms of finding better ways to 'do' call and working on my own emotions surrounding answering the phone at night.

Keeping up at work has been really hard, and I have fought distraction (probably related to sleep deprivation) and interruption tooth and nail.  I want to experiment with more protected time (with a sign on my door to keep interruptions out!) and time blocking for my non-clinical hours.

Wasting time on my phone!  I know, I know, I've managed to do a lot even WITH daily instagram scrolling/mail checking, but honestly this has been a chronic low-level annoyance for years now, peaking in 2017-18.  I have now decided that I just CANNOT HAVE unlimited access to certain apps on my phone and am determined to break the addictive chains engineered meticulously and effectively by the tech companies.  Reader Abby recommended this article and I have followed almost all of the advice!  I had to draw the line at the black screen though :)

2019
I'll write more later about specifics, but it's going to be a big year.  Filled with change (I think good change, for the most part) and adjustments but also exciting goals and opportunities for growth.  To be continued!!