Thursday, February 23, 2017

acceptance


it's nice to have goals as long as I recognize it's not always gonna be like that

As you all may have gathered, I'm on the type A side.  Not about everything -- for example, my standards of household upkeep are not terribly stringent.  But as a die hard planner, sometimes I get a little too attached to The Plan.  I get caught up in absolutes.  I miss subtler shades of gray in life -- that sometimes things are not good or bad; they just are.

The Headspace pack I am currently working through is one on Acceptance.  It occurred to me this morning that I chose well.  I really do need to work on Acceptance.  When things do not go "my" way, I often don't handle it calmly.  This is not to say that I should become a very zen doormat, but there is a difference between working actively towards goals vs having stiff expectations of how everything will or "should" go.

This morning, as soon as I finished my Headspace session, C woke up.  At 5:20 (and he went to bed at close to 9 after a bit of a battle).  We've been having a rough time in the sleep department for the last month or so, and I'm sure Disney/the total break in routine didn't help!  I laid down on the couch next to him and counted 100 breaths, but . . . no dice.  He was still awake.  So I put him in front of Mickey where he has been for the past 35 minutes.  Annabel joined him at 6 on the dot - internal alarm clock?

Anyway, there went my plans.  My completely arbitrary plans, but they didn't feel that way when I heard his moan at 5:20.  But what was the point of an internal revolt?  Nothing was going to change.  Tuesdays and Thursdays are Josh's 'early' days, so the only option was to just accept the morning's events, recognize that no disaster had actually occurred, troubleshoot a solution (umm . . . Mickey has actually worked very nicely; they've been mesmerized for 35 minutes and there are 10 left) and move on.

Then we'll have breakfast together, we'll have more time to hang out, and I can move my Acceptance practice to work, where I feel slammed (not sure how 3 days off created the backlog that it did . . . but it did) -- but I can only do as much as I can do.