Friday, February 12, 2016

streak is over, but i'm still here

Hi!

Yeah, I took 2 days off.  After 40 days (or something like that) of blogging, logging on and writing a post was starting to feel like just another checkbox, and I have enough of those in my life.

Too many, maybe.  The past few days I've been in sort of a gray mood, feeling like I have been hurtling from one to-do to the next.  The good news:  I have not been placating myself with social media/email/whatever (yay!  Day12 and really really still going strong!).  But I guess perhaps this has made me more aware of feeling empty or sad sometimes.  Which is probably a good thing.  But not necessarily fun.

I do feel like I have a tiny bit more time now that I am not spending as much of it online - though not much.  Yet I still feel like many things in my life feel pressured, rushed.  Last night I found myself counting the minutes until the end of the workday, driving home (in bad traffic) and then counting the minutes until A&C were in bed.  It does not help that Josh had some sort of superflu this week and I was essentially on my own.  And C seems to have a runny nose for the 398th time since starting school just 6 weeks ago.

I was listening to a podcast that was focused on the concept of incorporating things that bring pleasure into life, and I found myself feeling like HEY, THAT SOUNDS GREAT BUT WHERE'S MY PLEASURE?!  The host and guest seemed to have endless pockets of time to take peaceful walking breaks throughout the work day and luxurious bubble baths.  I do not.

But then again, maybe I do.  Because I'm writing his post right now, and then I will run, and then the kids will be up, and hopefully in good moods because they both slept well (yay!).  I could incorporate better breaks into my work day, because the time I spent previously refreshing my gmail between patients can now be filled with something else!  I get to spend the day doing an interesting job, and get to come home to A&C tonight to kick off what will hopefully be a fun-filled weekend.

I do not need to bemoan my lack of "hours".  I think I can do just fine being more mindful of the pleasurable things already present in the life I am already living.  Which includes spending more time appreciating what I have/am doing and less time worrying about what I do not have/am not doing.  But maybe that's a post for another day.

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO TODAY //

Run (outside!)
Breakfast :) (lately: 1 waffle with pb and raisins is my go-to.  I love it.)
Warm shower after my cold (in relative terms; it's 56F right now) run
Getting my New Results list down to a reasonable size and feeling caught up
Family dinner (!) (Josh is leaving work early to help with an eye appt for Annabel)
Taking a break at lunch to read my book (even if it's 15 minutes)
Reading to A&C
Watching more of this ridiculousness: Triumph Election Special (equal parts funny and terrifying!)