the truth: i have no idea what i'm doing
. . . with regard to a's sleep right now. something just tells me she's ready to go swaddle-free, but she's definitely still struggling a bit. i've tried letting her cry for 15 minutes, but once she's worked herself up enough, there doesn't seem to be any going back. [and, i don't think josh is really on board with sleep training, which just makes me feel 1000x guiltier for letter her cry for even that long.]
last night, this went down:
6:30 pm: sleep after her last feeding of the day. she is not napping well in the afternoons at daycare and as a result is tired within an hour of arriving home.
7:00 pm: paci replaced x 1 [i only allowed her to cry briefly before deciding to just help her out since it was the beginning of the night] --> back asleep immediately.
9:30 pm: crying jag. we let her cry for 15 minutes and then 5 more -- but there were no signs of any slowdown and josh seemed very dubious about the whole thing, so we went in and rescued with the paci. as soon as she got it --> back asleep immediately.
1:00 am: crying. at this point, i figured she was probably legitimately hungry and fed her. she ate as she does normally and went easily to sleep afterwards, as usual.
3:30 am: crying, though less forcefully than earlier in the evening. we waited about 10 minutes but ended up providing her with her sleep crutch [the good ol' paci] and she passed out again.
5:15 am: crying. again, i figured it had been 4 hours since her last feed, so i fed her again.
7:22 am [as i type this]: still asleep.
i realize this could be worse, but . . . it could also be better. i am starting to get tired, and i feel like my routines are breaking down because i can't get myself up early enough due to this ridiculously fragmented nighttime routine. but i just feel in my gut like the crib/no swaddle is the right thing for her right now. is it possible that in a few days [without any formal 'sleep training'] that she'll just get used to it? i'm encouraged by the fact that it's SUPER easy to get her to sleep as long as she has something to suck on, but i wish she'd just find her thumb already.
not to open pandora's box, but . . . would be open to hearing your experiences!
josh and i were discussing competitive martyrdom among moms last night. don't you get the feeling sometimes that some people are in a contest to see who can suffer the most for the 'benefit' of their babies/children? i have thoughts about this that are more complex than can be written about in the 1 minute before i need to start getting ready for work, so i will plan to write more on the topic on another day -- preferably one where i am better rested.