Thursday, January 05, 2012

what matters

sweating the small stuff
yesterday i spent over an hour looking at baby bedding and then went to sleep completely anxious over . . . well, i'm not even sure.

i'm stressed about fitting everything we need into our apartment. [guest futon. rocker. our desks. crib. giant stroller. other baby essentials.] i absolutely love our living space but i'm not sure it's going to be all that functional with a baby or toddler.

i'm nervous about a safe sleeping setup for those newborn days [bumpers & blankets = SIDS risk according to the AAP. it's too bad because they are pretty!].

i'm worried about our future finances & budget.

i'm definitely concerned about my ability to handle a baby on my own [because josh's work schedule is going to be crazy, especially the first few months] and also about balancing childcare with work after those 12 weeks are up.

but i need to remember
that it doesn't really matter. i will take life one day at a time. i will have plans [come on, i WILL have plans] but avoid expectations. our baby won't ever remember whether she was changed on a fancy pottery barn dresser or an IKEA knockoff.


she will release all kinds of bodily fluids onto her sheets regardless of thread-count or pattern.

she will thrive living in this apartment -- cluttered or not -- as long as i can supply her with plenty of food, shelter, and love.

and someday i believe i will look back at those beginning baby years and just wish they hadn't gone so fast. we will live each day the best we can.

i think that's what matters.