i have to admit, i'm a little stressed out this morning. i just spent my 5-minute meditation thinking about shopping for groceries, my [long] to-do list, and how i really don't like how i look in the photos from last night.
(yes, we MEANT to set the shrimp on fire! it's part of the recipe.)
it's just so easy to be self-critical sometimes. just off of the top of my head, i know i have had all of these thoughts over the past 24 hours:
✗ i am such a slow runner.
✗ i am still so inflexible.
✗ my presentations are never that great.
✗ i wish i could get arm lipo.
✗ why did i just eat/drink [fill in the blank]!??
✗ my blog needs a makeover
✗ my cooking is so unimpressive
✗ our apartment is so messy - i'm such a bad housekeeper
honestly, that is just a SMALL sampling. and yet i have trouble coming up with even ONE counter-thought that is positive!
turning it around
today. right now.
♥ i try hard, i have love for others (and life), and my heart is in the right place
and isn't that really all that matters?
despite the negative background noise, i had a great time hosting e and his lovely wife m for dinner. i have to admit that some of my self-flagellation about housekeeping and cooking yesterday came from comparing myself with m who threw an absolutely gorgeous and lavish dinner party at their (immaculate!) home a few weeks ago.
however, i eventually came to grips that while our gatherings are not nearly as elegant or elaborate, i still have a style that is all my own, and . . . it's actually pretty nice in its own way. comfortable. relaxed. and (usually) tasty.
last night, i actually turned to two recipes that were once my dinner party staples -- but that i haven't made for years. you know, if you go back about 10 years, i really didn't know how to cook at all. it was only in the last 5 or so that i became truly comfortable in the kitchen, and confident in my abilities to make most recipes work, at least to some extent.
back when i was in the learning phases, i had a small repertoire of favorites that i returned to again and again when we had guests because i knew i probably wouldn't mess them up!
the cooks illustrated recipes that i used can be found in these 6-year-old blog posts from my [long-dead] spinoff cooking blog:
✰ warm baked goat cheese salad with apples, dried cherries, and walnuts (aww, josh even left a comment! how cute.)
✰ shrimp fra diablo with linguine
we also served up some of our cheese of the month selections [thank you again, B + S]
i made a giant mess in the kitchen:
and then we lost big time:
but at least we got to enjoy drowning our sorrows in this mixed berry crisp, also from cooks illustrated
[email me if you want it! it was easy + good!]
and with that, i am off to start the day! if you are game, try to think of something positive you have thought about yourself recently, and post it in the comments. sometimes i think we [women especially!] need that kind of conscious reminder.
happy birthday vickie!! 29, right? right. ♥ your present will be forthcoming!
workout: 75 minutes baron baptiste flow + 30 minute run. i was scheduled for a longer run and weights, too, but realized three miles into the run that a) my legs felt like lead and b) i was being a little crazy aiming to do all of that in one day. so, yeah.
meditation: just in the AM -- i forgot after our dinner party!
excavation question: a tough one today!
where in your life are you flirting with disaster?