Saturday, July 10, 2010

notes from a hostile reader

you are wonderful
yes, you. because after i hit publish yesterday, i worried about the backlash that i might get, and that i perhaps deserve. after all, here i am sharing my time-management strategies and organization in one post, and in the next post quivering with anxiety because i just can't seem to fit it all in.

responses i imagined included:

"well, you'd have more time if you didn't spend every morning in front of your computer writing a post!"

but . . . i LOVE this part of my day. i really do. i like to think that sometimes there is value in what i write, and i truly enjoy the process. giving it up would make me really sad.

"did you think the fellowship was going to be easy!?"

no, and i'm not afraid of hard work (promise). perhaps i just thought it would more easily fit within the confines of a typical work day. and even though i feel overwhelmed -- and that's probably normal after just 1 week! -- i am still really loving it!

"why are you spending time working out each morning when you have so much work to do?"

1. because i really believe that exercise is an important part of human physiology - it's not natural or healthy for us to sit around all day. i feel better and have more energy when i work out.

2. because it provides a tangible stress-relief/coping effect for me -- so probably not a good idea to leave it out when i need it most!

"how are you possibly going to handle having kids? i can't believe you can even be thinking about that when you can't even handle yourself."

well, i'm glad things worked out the way they did because i would not want to be dealing with a new baby right now! but i do think that by the time this happens, i'll be in a better phase of my fellowship and it will all work itself out. after all, you all told me so!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

yes, this is what i imagined/feared. i have gotten a few negative comments before, and they sting -- especially when there is a nugget of truth there (and unfortunately -- usually there is). i didn't check my email until late in the day, but i can't say i didn't think about what comments might be in there.

and yet what i found was an outpouring of support and positive energy -- from you.

while it didn't cross my mind at the time, i guess i was engaging in an exercise similar to gretchen rubin's interview with a hostile reader, in which she imagines the most challenging (hostile) questions an imaginary critic might ask her in an interview, and defends herself.

and, i have to say, it felt pretty good.

side note: was i really stressed about dogsitting for THIS FACE??

yeah, i know. although the little bugger decided to serenade us with a barking concert from 2-4 am last night. at least my pager stayed quiet!

off to go round on the wards! hopefully i'll be home before TOO long . . .



workout: 8 miles (yes, before work -- actually this felt quite good), average 9:12/mi in chapel hill.

gourmet taste: no, i didn't cook last night (um, i got home at 7:45 . . .). josh picked up pizza, salad AND ice cream, thus maintaining his status as best husband ever. but there was a little food prep this morning, as major deegan will NOT eat his meals unadorned (we tried, but he just looked up at me like "you KNOW i'm not going to eat that dog food plain.")

apparently he likes tomatoes.

HP: today i am going to try to take a broader look at my schedule and figure out (using all of your wise advice) HOW i really can fit things in, including the bigger projects. there has to be a way!


  1. Anonymous8:01 AM

    sounds like your doing better and are a bit more stress free :) we all have crazy overwhelming days no matter how organized/put together we are. i think it's awesome you're able to get anything done with your crazy schedule!

    hope today isn't as long of a day for you!

  2. aw i miss the deegster! put some lettuce on top of that dog food! :)

  3. Glad to hear that you are feeling better, Sarah. It's really hard to cook every night, especially with your schedule. I think you guys underutilize the freezer. It's a great way to have a home cooked meal without having to cook. We have meals out of the freezer that were cooked on a weekend at least once or twice every week. Good luck with all of the fellowship stuff!