because it couldn't be much worse! seriously, my call night was beyond painful. there was (and still is, most likely) one patient who was previously healthy and is now dying, and there isn't really anything that we can do about it. we had another patient come back from the operating room only to promptly begin coding, and in the midst of all this half of the other (previously more stable) patients started to misbehave just because they could. the NP tried to blame me for 'missing' something on a patient's blood gas -- but hello, she is responsible for looking at that too, and in fact she was covering half the number of patients that i was and nurses were not grabbing her every 3 seconds to have her put in orders, which is essentially all i do ALL NIGHT LONG when in the PICU. anyway, it was just a big mess, i didn't get to sleep at all, and i spent the next day's 3.5 hour rounds lurching from side to side as i desperately attempted to remain awake and standing. it was pure torture.
i drove home (thankfully without incident), got home at noon, passed out in the bed, and completely missed the alarm that i had set for 4:45 pm so that i could make it to the gym. instead, i woke up at 6:30 pm and just decided to sleep straight through to the next morning. it felt right at the time, but now i just find it depressing, and am annoyed that i missed a run. plus, now it IS the next morning and i am still tired and want to continue sleeping.
i would rather not have this blog be such a complain-fest, but honestly i'm not very happy right now. the PICU feels like a madhouse to me, and it is frustrating. i was excited at the beginning that at least i could get some procedural experience, but the fellows are brand new and they are not letting us do anything because THEY need to get signed off (there were 3 intubations on my call night and even though i wanted to, i was not allowed to do any of them!). i need to figure out some way to make it better, or i am not going to survive the next 2 weeks.
hopefully, after this stormy call there will be a rainbow.
photo credit: picture taken by my dad, facing away from the house i lived growing up.