Saturday, January 06, 2007

guilt and pleasure.

i really enjoyed going for a run in the 65 degree sunshine today. but (there's always one of these, right?) there's also been a gnawing sense of unease that hits me every time i look at the 5 day weather forecast and see a row of numbers in the 60s. i know it's not all about global warming, and meterologists are blathering on about el nino and other air-current things that i don't really understand, but even if it's NOT global warming, it sure makes me think about it.

and that made my run slightly less enjoyable.

i feel guilty. because i had to drive to go for that run (although it was only 7 minutes away). because often i run on a treadmill, and i don't think about the calories that the machine is burning while i burn the energy that is stored in my body. because i am currently drying clothes and using this computer. and because i just ate lunch that came out multiple packages and bags and probably took plenty of energy to process, wrap, and print with pretty colored labels that made me want to buy it when i drove to the grocery store to obtain it.

i know it's not all my fault. it is simply not practical in this day and age to live off of rutabegas and potatoes that i grew in my own garden, and if i tried to go for a run starting from my doorstep, a dog- or car-attack would be very likely. i always recycle all the packaging that i can, and i drive a small car with decent mileage (though not yet a hybrid). so i'm not pure evil, but i still feel like i use a really scary amount of the earth's resources on a daily basis, and i don't see an easy way to stop.

my generation has been brought up to know a certain way of life, and it seems that this way of life is actually not sustainable. i hope that the conveniences that we have grown to truly depend on will not be our end. but i still have to finish doing the laundry.