Saturday, April 07, 2018

floating, flailing, floundering? maybe all 3

The 5th Trimester continues.

I've been at work for 1 month now.  It seems like longer, somehow.  It also feels like I will be pumping between patients forever.  And that I will never have my *&$@# together again.  Because I definitely don't now.


It's a beautiful season
It's a cute season
It's a selfless season
It's a HARD SEASON


Things I am not currently doing:

- #1 Exercising.  Like AT ALL for the past 2 weeks, other than a walk with a friend on Saturdays and sometimes random walks when I'm off.  I'm too tired to get up early to do it, and there aren't other logical places to fit it in.  Thankfully breastfeeding burns a lot of calories*, but man I miss my endorphin highs and generally feeling fit.

- #2 Sleeping more than 3 hrs at a time.  Yeah.  She's almost 4 months.  Looking back at my blog apparently Cameron did this too.  I cannot decide if it's nature's way of maintaining my milk supply (and it does seem to be working, having fewer issues keeping up, yay) OR she is just going through  4 month sleep regression.  On that note, we're still swaddling.  She doesn't really settle otherwise.

Last night I went to bed at 9, she was up at 11, then 2:30, then 6, then 7.  This is a normal night for her.  She ate well at all times.  I read about other babies her age sleeping 7-3 or 9-6 and will admit  . . . I'm jealous!

- #3 Keeping up with documentation at work.  I used to be pretty much 100% on closing all charts before leaving work, but that was before I had to devote approximately 90 minutes of my work day to coaxing milk out of my breasts.  This has led to catchup on weekends, my days off, etc.  Plus I'm less efficient when I'm there, because TIRED.  See #2.

- #4 Having much quality time with Josh.  I have been trying to go to bed at 9 pm most nights because it's the only way I can wake up feeling human (ie if G eats at 11, 2, and 5 and then I have to get up and pump on work days).

- #5 Having much patience with A&C.  Sigh.  Too tired.  Yes, there is a theme here . . .

- #6 My planning routines!  And as a result, I feel disastrously scattered and, as expected, keep bumping into annoying scheduling conflicts or missed details that end up being more stress and more work.  BAHHH.  At least we finished our taxes . . .

- #7 Journaling and meditating.  I could really use some reflective time.  I just don't have the space or energy (though I am writing this post, so there's that!).

- #8 Fighting off infections. OMG, we've had a sick month.  I started having URI symptoms at the start of my call week 2.5 weeks ago.  I still have a sore throat and all this gunk back there.  The kids have been sick**.  Fevers.  Coughs.  BLAHHHH.  Once we finally all recover,  I really really really hope this will be it for a while.  We were actually pretty healthy from January until mid-March!  I definitely notice these things hitting in prolonged waves.

Okay.  She's still asleep (for now . . .) so I will attempt to go through the mail and get my life in order . . . Josh just took the 2 big ones for several hours (THANK YOU BABE) so I am going to try to make the most of this time!

* ie so I haven't gained 8243 lbs, but I haven't lost the last of my baby weight either.  And body composition-wise I still do NOT feel back to 'normal' or even close.  Thank goodness for leggings, stretchy lower rise pants, and wrap dresses!  AND perspective b/c I honestly care much less this time than I did the other 2!

** Genevieve has actually had the fewest symptoms, though her snotty nose is super sad