Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Rest, spontaneity, and putting myself last

I slept in this morning.  My planner had "Barre3" written in today's AM slot.  I plan in workouts 6 days per week, and usually get them all in unless one of us is sick.  Exercise is important to me on several levels (mental, physical, emotional), so I do not have a problem in generally treating these plans with the reverence that I do think they deserve.

But I think I really need to rest more sometimes.  Not just in the physical sense, but in that rushing/must-be-productive/panicked sort of way.  And it's not even like I AM all that productive sometimes, especially at the end of a long day when I feel like I've really pushed myself.  It is at those times that I tend to just crash, and not in a nice relaxed manner.  More like hitting the wall, and often feeling miserable, spent, and oddly resentful.  Of what/who?  I'm not even sure.

I read Brittany's post today, in which she describes a day in which she just abandoned her to do list and relaxed with her two young girls, and how the time passed in a "welcomed, un-rushed flow."  She writes: "Slowly but surely, I felt a metaphorical exhale as all the things I was 'supposed' to do disappeared from my mind."

Lately I feel like I never experience that exhale.  I always promise myself "free time" when I've finished items A through triple-Z, and then it's like, WOW, somehow the end of the list is eluding me.  Maybe next time.  

I need to create this time, this space.  And I need it to be more than a rarity (ie, vacation / random day off).  I think one of the reasons that I love planners so much (okay - there are probably A LOT of reasons) is that in theory I should be able to get all of my obligations on paper so that I can have the freedom to enjoy some white space in between.  I just need to somehow find some room between the lines again.

Sleeping in once in a while seems like a good start.