Mindful on a Monday

November 30, 2015
The transition back to work today was a bit jarring after 4 whole days at home, and it made me think.  Or perhaps I just happened to listen to the right podcast (Tara Brach) and read the relevant blog post (Raptitude) today.  But I am feeling oddly bittersweet and emotional about . . . well, everything.

I find myself thinking in contrasts:

I don’t want Cameron to grow up because he is JUST SO CUTE AND SWEET right now // It will be so much fun when the kids are older and we can do more things together 

I wish I had another day off with the kids today // I am glad to be busy at work and am excited to get back into my work routine

I want to get to work on time! // I am having such a nice time listening to this podcast in my car, even though I am stuck in traffic.

— and I can think of dozens more.

It’s amazing how many of these sorts of thoughts pop up, and yet NONE OF THEM EVEN REALLY MATTER.  I mean, I can’t stop time.  I cannot responsibly take an impromptu vacation day.  I cannot control traffic.  Or patient no-shows.  Or the weather.  Or politics.  Or most things, really*.

Today I still had these thoughts, but spent a little time just sort of noticing that I was having them.  It definitely gave me a perspective that I do not usually have.  

As Tara Brach reminded me this morning, I can ask myself at any given moment:  Can this be enough?  And the answer is always yes.  I can relax into the traffic jam, or the toddler meltdowns.  I can settle in and just watch things unfold without being wedded to any particular outcome.  This doesn’t mean a passive life — I can still plan for things, get things done, move forward.  I am still going to work hard and do the best I can with my family, at work, and in life.  But I can consciously let go of the things that aren’t up to me anyway and settle into what is.

* Not everything, though.  I can choose how to spend free time, to an extent, and which projects to pursue and who to connect with, etc.  This would probably make an interesting thing to write/think about in itself.

 

mother of 3 // MD // south floridian // ESFJ // upholder. into: planners, great food, running, reading, writing, mornings, podcasting, and coffee.

3 Comments

  • Reply omdg March 10, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    You can always have a 3rd!

    😉

    • Reply theSHUbox March 10, 2019 at 7:12 pm

      Some of those dualities are why I am very undecided about this. Part of me really really wants the chance to have MORE. Part of me is really excited about the kids growing up and being able to do more, and enjoying experiences (like trips, time w/ Josh as a couple, sleep 🙂 ) as things unfold with 2.

      Currently our decision is to just wait and see how we feel in a year or so. (IUD is staying in for now!)

  • Reply Laura March 10, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    Excellent post and perspective. This level of mindfulness is something I should strive toward.

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