Monday, May 04, 2015

weekend lessons (part zillion)

This past weekend was interesting.  While it was happening, it felt incredibly tough.  Yet I find myself scrolling back over my iPhone photos again and again with a sense of wistfulness.  An interesting dichotomy, but I think it's because being with kids is both beautiful and amazing -- their wide-eyed wonder, their laughter, their energy.  And it's also completely draining and exhausting.

We went to the zoo on Saturday and Young At Art (awesome kids' interactive play space/art museum) on Sunday.  On Saturday it was just me and on Sunday my mom came, too.  Both days I came home completely spent.  Add to that the discovery of a weevil infestation in one of our cabinets (ugh!!  and ick!! and agggh, because so much food thrown out!!) AND the fact that Annabel has, at age 3, decided to stop STTN.

((She nimbly climbs out of her crib and starts crying to go to our bed, something that I am not in favor of.  I'm mean, maybe, but she moves constantly and the bed just isn't that big.  Plus, I get up early and my alarm would wake her, stealing the perhaps one hour of free time that I have to run/work out.  I have a plan for tonight; taking bets about how many times I have to calmly/sternly place her back in.  My money's on 142.))

ANYWAY.  So things were just kind of messy and tiring and hard.  I found myself thinking all sorts of crazy and negative things, ranging from "I am not cut out for this" to "my 3 year old is going to be the cause of my first psychotic break".  But I listened to a great Tara Brach podcast this morning, in which she reminded me that a lot of our angst is caused by an imaginary chasm between what should be and what is.  But it's not real.  I may feel like I deserve certain things (sleep, for example, or uninterrupted time to run on a Sunday) but things just are what they are.  There's no failure, personal or otherwise.  It just is, and it's pretty fleeting in the grand scheme of things.

A few of the sweeter moments: