Mother's Day was lovely. On the down side, Josh was on call. On the up, my family was in town and we spent the whole day at two different family gatherings. I got to hang out with my own mother on the actual day, which is pretty rare. And it was really nice.
As the endless stream of Insta-love and Facebook hyperbolizing rolled by, I did some deep thinking about motherhood. I thought about how much becoming a mother has changed my life, and how much it has changed me. Answer to both: a lot.
I never knew how your children could actually feel like a part of you, even years after delivery. How amazing it would be to see a face in real life that looked so much like your husband's baby pictures. How beautiful their laughter would sound, especially together. How infuriating a protesting toddler can really be (VERY). How strong a 14 month old can be when protesting a diaper change (also VERY). How exhausting they can be, both mentally and physically. How hearing a joyous "mommy!"/"mama" upon entering the door never gets old.
I know so much more now than I did 3 years ago, and every day I'm adding to my collection of lessons. I may be getting incrementally wiser, but I know I'll never catch up and become any sort of expert. Because as soon as I seem to 'get' one phase, the game changes.
I am definitely not a perfect mother. I get angry, I get bored, and I crave breaks and me-time. But my love for my 2 is visceral and just . . . a force. I can feel it when I gaze at them, C's face adorned with breakfast crumbs and A in a tattered Elsa costume. I am looking forward to many many mothers days to come, as this love continues to grow and evolve as they do.
Just a regular morning.