Monday, May 11, 2015

Mother's Day musings

Mother's Day was lovely.  On the down side, Josh was on call.  On the up, my family was in town and we spent the whole day at two different family gatherings.  I got to hang out with my own mother on the actual day, which is pretty rare.  And it was really nice.

As the endless stream of Insta-love and Facebook hyperbolizing rolled by, I did some deep thinking about motherhood.  I thought about how much becoming a mother has changed my life, and how much it has changed me.  Answer to both:  a lot.

I never knew how your children could actually feel like a part of you, even years after delivery.  How amazing it would be to see a face in real life that looked so much like your husband's baby pictures.  How beautiful their laughter would sound, especially together.  How infuriating a protesting toddler can really be (VERY).  How strong a 14 month old can be when protesting a diaper change (also VERY).  How exhausting they can be, both mentally and physically.  How hearing a joyous "mommy!"/"mama" upon entering the door never gets old. 

I know so much more now than I did 3 years ago, and every day I'm adding to my collection of lessons.  I may be getting incrementally wiser, but I know I'll never catch up and become any sort of expert.  Because as soon as I seem to 'get' one phase, the game changes.  

I am definitely not a perfect mother.  I get angry, I get bored, and I crave breaks and me-time.  But my love for my 2 is visceral and just . . . a force.  I can feel it when I gaze at them, C's face adorned with breakfast crumbs and A in a tattered Elsa costume.  I am looking forward to many many mothers days to come, as this love continues to grow and evolve as they do.

Just a regular morning.