Wednesday, January 08, 2014

the state of things

1) i am soooooo tired.  tired when i drive to work.  tired when i come home.  tired at work.  tired when my alarm goes off in the morning.  at 34 weeks preg maybe this is normal, but i really don't remember this from last time.  then again, i didn't have the 'second shift' job that i currently have now.

to temper this fatigue [and . . . just because], i've skipped running for the past 5 days.   if anything, i feel worse.
  
maybe i'm anemic [my compliance with prenatal vitamins has been . . . less than stellar, to say the least].  although i kind of don't want to know because fear of iron [for GI reasons] is what made me negligent about the vitamins in the first place.*

2) i hate being tired. and it makes me feel unfocused and inefficient and just blahhhh.

3) i am in the process of a planner post [even took a few quick pictures in daylight while at work today!] but -- too tired to put that together right now.

4) some of my favorite bloggers have been knocking it out of the park recently:

ana's specific 2014 goals post [here] made me realize mine were too nebulous.  oops.

mothers in medicine:  the two kinds of mothers in medicine.  awesome comments.

brittnie's word for the year: intentional.  this resonated with me!

5) i am filled with a rather crazy mixture of emotions, including:

a) motherly yearning to meet the new little one.  in my mind, he looks just like a boy version of annabel, and i really couldn't imagine anything cuter.  i am longing to snuggle a little tiny baby.  i am even --  quite oddly -- longing to breastfeed.  although once i remember what newborn BFing is like -- as opposed to the calm snuggly 11-month old version -- i'll probably laugh out loud at this one.

b) frenetic overthinking, trying to pre-determine how will i do this and that and this other thing when i have annabel AND a needy newborn.  [i realize this is pretty much ridiculous, since i don't know what the specific challenges will even BE** until i experience life as a mother of 2 for a while.  but i can't stop the wheels from turning . . .]

c) building excitement about the idea of NOT being pregnant anymore.  regular clothes!  not feeling like i'm lumbering around!  [eventually.]

d) sheer TERROR/anxiety regarding what it will be like with 2 at once.  especially at 6 pm on a call night when josh is nowhere in sight.  ahhhghgh.

* doctors are the worst patients.  it's true. and, this is NOT an endorsement of not taking your prenatal vitamins.  you should take them.  i should have taken them.  i did at least take them during the high-risk period for spinal cord defects [first tri].  the end.

** other than sleep deprivation, jealousy [from a.], multiple sore areas of the body, and more sleep deprivation.

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2 additional items of business:

-- anyone have any toddler parenting books to recommend?  i am going to read love and logic [thank you d.!] but am curious as to what anyone has found useful.  [or, not useful.]  a.  is a very VERY good kid but can be strong-willed, and i think this will probably be amplified by the arrival of #2.  planning ahead :)

-- in case you are wondering, the arctic vortex hit miami.  it went all the way down to 48 [don't worry, the high was still in the 60s].  and yes, people were wearing scarves and boots and things.  it was cute. 



just 2 shirts, a handknit sweater, corduroys, and boots.
[and it was probably approaching 60 by the time this was taken!]