because at 7:31 pm, my bedtime is fast approaching.
oh MY i forgot how much i dislike the first trimester. last time, i had stars in my eyes -- i had yearned for a baby for so long, and i was grateful every day even just to be reminded that i really was pregnant.
this time, i'm still grateful. but not as distracted by the miracle of life, and therefore i am . . . noting more how much the beginning of pregnancy is basically terrible.
i have a gross taste in my mouth at all times [there's even a name for it! dysgeusia]
i am extremely tired [like, extremely]
i am extremely unmotivated and sluggish
i feel huge and feel like i am showing already, which is completely ridiculous at this point because our little one is the size of a blueberry.
i already wake up 2-3x/night to go to the bathroom [this happened to me very early last time, too]
nausea quelled only by carbs, carbs, carbs
weird food aversions and attractions
that's basically it. last time, i remember all of these magically abating and feeling like a rock star around 12 weeks. and the rest of pregnancy treated me pretty well -- i remember having pretty good energy and was able to run the day before delivery at 40 weeks! but the first part is the worst. only 5ish weeks to go!
you know it's just the beginning when "baby" requires a label
7 weeks this week. so, i feel like i can only consider myself 'a little bit pregnant', despite the above. i know there is no guarantee that this pregnancy will work out, so the baby is just a theoretical construct at this point.
gotta start somewhere . . .
i know that many of you followed along in my drawn out and rather painful infertility journey and were wondering what went on this time around. the truth is: absolutely nothing. we weren't trying, and this was a total shock. i was still running -- 27 miles the week before i found out -- and at a BMI that did not seem to let me cycle normally before, even though it is in the 'normal' range.
given my history, i did not have any desire to use birth control after annabel, so i didn't. [plus, i figured that any surprise baby would be a happy surprise -- which this definitely is!]. annabel had her last breastfeeding session sometime in mid-april. i never experienced a period, which was pretty much status quo for me before, so i didn't think about it too much.
until one day in june i felt some twinges that felt . . . well, a lot like the twinges of early pregnancy i had with annabel. i ordered a 25-pack of tests on amazon [figuring . . what were the odds, REALLY? do you know how many negative tests i've taken!!?] and was shocked to find two dark lines staring back at me on a monday night.
this picture was taken right after finding out
[cut off b/c a. happened to be naked for some reason :) ]
josh was instantly thrilled, though also quite surprised given my history! i have to admit i had an initial few days of panic [they are going to KILL me at my job! child care! finances! omgomgomg how am i going to deal with two kids at the grocery store!?] and then i got used to the idea and now am very excited too. i really hope things work out.
i'm planning on telling my job right after i start in august - i will be about 13 weeks then [and at this rate, probably in full-on maternity gear]. question for any MDs who have gone through this: any tips for how to approach this? i would ideally like 12 weeks of maternity leave [happy to take any/all of it unpaid and would rather NOT use my vacation] but could also probably survive with 10. i'm thinking i should offer to take extra call before to make up for the time later -- does that make sense?
because i will only have worked for ~6 months by the time i deliver, FMLA will not apply for me . . . and i won't have much vacation time accrued, either. just fervently hoping they will not completely flip out when i tell them the news.
gratuitous pic, but so pretty
i can't believe this little muffin is going to be a big sister!!