this morning. does this seem like something i should be taking for granted?
medical school is practice residency.
residency is practice fellowship.
fellowship is practice for being a 'real' independent doctor.
an average daily run is training for a race.
a study session is preparation for an exam.
taking care of annabel is practice for when there are more children to juggle.
"i'll just do this / plan this / get through this, and then . . ."and then what? real life will start?
real life is happening. and it's already passing far too quickly.
i know i mentioned this recently, but it has struck me that i really do spend too much time fixating on 'preparing' -- mentally, emotionally, or physically -- for some imaginary theoretical future. this is sad and counterproductive, because it causes me to miss those NOW moments [which are pretty amazing when i open my eyes to realize that] and because i have no idea what the future will look like, anyway.
you can't plan the little things or even the big things.
especially the big things, as i have been recently reminded.
i pretend that now is just temporary and later will be permanent, but it's all an illusion. now IS transient, but then is uncertain.
life is not a syllabus to get through or a training plan to complete.
i may embark on mini happiness projects just for fun while they are happening and to learn and experiment, but i no longer believe in the idea of progressing towards some amazing destination where i have it ALLLLLLL.
i'm not saying i'm not going to study
or that i don't have habits that could use tweaking
or that i don't ever want to follow a training plan
or that i don't want to anticipate wonderful things in the future.
but i need to give TODAY more of me.
off to read, think, and rest. good night!