Wednesday, April 17, 2013

not perfect, but close . . .

i realize that my fantasy day-in-the-life post from last week was somewhat depressing.  as always, i appreciated your feedback.  as i alluded to yesterday, i've been in a bit of a funk.  sweating over small things, to be cliché about it, and sort of slogging through the days.  a brief analysis of the causes:

✔ way too much viral (*#$@.  in annabel's body and in mine.  it wasn't even just the annoying symptoms, but i was just so tired of being tired and operating at half-strength.  it made me really feel for those with chronic illnesses, as all i could think of was getting OUT of that state and i can't imagine what it would be like if you didn't know an end was going to come eventually.

 inconsistent running, because of the above.  what can i say:  endorphins are my natural SSRI.

✔ josh working a horrendous amount.  even getting called into a case while I was on call.  feeling like a single mom at times.  feeling lonely.

✔ work stress.  things were incredibly busy in the beginning of the month and i feel like i'm just finally beginning to catch up.

✔ too many transitions for annabel.  switching to cups.  ending our breastfeeding relationship [sad in a way, but i think we were both ready].  starting to toddle around*!  and so much more communication**.  putting her to bed has been so sad and often stressful as the only way i knew before was to kiss her and put her down after breastfeeding.  it worked like a charm, and now. . . the crutch is gone, and it's been hard for both of us.  but i think we may be making some progress.

but today?

today was almost fantasy.  the specifics:

 neither a nor i have significant viral symptoms.  her nose is running, but that's pretty much a constant.

i didn't get paged last night despite being on call, and woke up well-rested

➤ i enjoyed at least 20 minutes to myself in the morning with coffee and breakfast

➤ a woke up in a good mood and we played, and then i took her on a stroller run [4 miles, ave 9:14/mi]

from this morning

➤ i sneakily came home to shower after dropping her off at day care, and it worked out beautifully

➤ i wore a relatively cute outfit to work [this dress, which is now 3 years old but not too dated.  yet.  also, i am sort of impressed that it fits.]

➤ it was a balanced clinical day -- enough to do so that i was never bored, but nothing overwhelming.  2 consults.  a few follow-ups.  a smattering of pages -- with the last one coming in at 3 pm.

➤ josh and i got to meet for lunch in the caf!

➤ i'm not on call tonight, so i signed off at 5 and left.

➤ a was in a happy mood when i picked her up.  we read books together and practiced identifying everything she can identify [it's not that long of a list]

➤ she ate dinner with gusto [pork loin with chimichurri sauce, roasted broccoli, lima beans/black eyed peas, and cornbread].  oh, and i didn't cook said dinner.  we got meals from foster's again for the week.

➤ she went to sleep WITHOUT crying!  after we finished reading, i sang her a little song, put her down, and kissed her good night.  she didn't instantly fall asleep, but she never fussed.

[perhaps the most miraculous . . .] i just got a text [at 7:48 pm] that josh is leaving in 10 minutes.

nothing is perfect, but today came incredibly close.

* she will take 8-10 steps at a time now!  ahhhhhh!  and the number seems to be increasing every day.

** current word list [things she will identify and say in context]:

DOHH [meaning: no.  she will say this when she knows she is doing something bad.]
"oosh" [meaning: shoe]
fish [her newest word]
uh oh
bah-pah [meaning: bottle, although i haven't been giving her any so she hasn't had the opportunity recently]
'woof woof' [most frequently uttered.  sometimes appropriately, many times not.]
bahhh [for sheep]
ooohhh [moo, for a cow]
rahhhh [a growl, for lion]
mama [only once in a while]
dada [meanings:  banana OR josh, although they sound different].  on video with her favorite fruit: