Tuesday, March 05, 2013

goings on [and march goal]

the muffin is sick

don't worry, nothing dire.  she just has ear infection #2.  which has led to antibiotics round #3, if you count her 48 hour rule out at birth!  i had to keep her home today due to a rather dramatic 103 degree temp on monday afternoon [they have a rule that babies must be fever free x 24 hours before returning].

we spent a rather snuggly day together, although less so as she perked up with abx and ibuprofen.

by mid-afternoon she seemed back to her old self
ie, ready to play demolition derby in our apartment [don't worry, i keep her from doing any real damage to herself or the environment].   i'll do an official update later, but at 11 months today, she's quite mobile but not walking yet.  she will cruise around the room and stand unsupported for 5-10 seconds, but has yet to take that first unassisted step.

she loves to march around proudly with help, though.

modeling a beautiful sweater that my mom made -- i think it will fit in about 6 months :)

other big milestones of the day:

1) asking specifically for a certain book to be read over and over.  this one, for whatever reason.  i kept trying to start others, but she'd go grab this one again and look at me expectantly, and then start panting happily when i started it again.  i got a little sick of the rhyme after the 15th round or so, but it was SO cute.

2) dropping her sippy from the high chair purposefully and then saying 'uh oh'.  i think she even knew she was 'being bad' but i probably just reinforced her because i got so excited that she was using the word in context, rather than just repeating.

it was a shame that i felt guilty today -- but i did.
i had fun with annabel today.  however, knowing that i was supposed to be at work sort of cast a shadow on things.  i don't have any legit vacation time because i used it all on maternity leave, but right now i'm on a research month which makes things more flexible.  i tried to remind myself that i've worked during times that weren't legit work time -- ie, finishing + presenting a poster at a conference while on maternity leave -- but it still felt a little wrong to be home, and even more wrong to be . . .well, enjoying it.

repeating after myself, because i tend to be a rather black-or-white person:  shades of gray.

i'm not sure how i will handle sick days once i have a full panel of patients scheduled.  i hope that perhaps family will be able to help, and if not -- maybe i'll look into an emergency babysitter?  of course, i'd drop everything in an instant if miss a. were seriously ill, but for everyday viruses/ear infections, i'll probably have to figure out a solution that doesn't involve canceling on multiple patients.

it hurts my heart to write/think that, but it's true.

well, at least that sort of makes me feel better about today.

mindful march

february's resolutions tanked.  but i'm still flossing!  so i will not give up hope for 2013 yet :)

this month, i'd like to focus on just one thing -- mindfulness.  instead of laying out specific goals, i would like to see how much i can implement this in all areas.  special attention will be given to slowing down, just being aware of things without judging, and the avoidance of multitasking.

eating -- sitting down to actual meals and actually trying to TASTE them rather than subsisting on subpar snacks.

time with annabel -- i actually do tend to stop and savor the moments with her on a pretty routine basis.  it just seems like things are changing so quickly!  however, i want to make sure i am FULLY present when i am with her, which means no checking email or texting [fine, unless i need to convey a specific message].  i'd been pretty good about this -- i often don't know where my phone is when i'm playing with her, actually --  but i can always improve.

work -- attaining a kind of flow state in the clinics/wards comes easily to me.  NOT so much in the lab.  i want to cultivate an atmosphere of focus and try to really immerse myself in making sense of the data i've churned out over the past ~2 years.    

leisure --  randomly perusing facebook/blogs when i should be going to bed or reading is a horrible habit of mine, and i would like to stop.  i have nothing against doing those things but i want to do them purposefully.  on conscious terms.  not as a crutch or cheap form of stress relief.

driving -- i would love to turn my commute into a sort of meditation.  is this possible?  safe?  here's to hoping.  no, in all seriousness, i just want to relax and not rush when i'm driving.  i'm going to have to get used to 30+ minutes in the car 2x/day, so i might as well start practicing now.

chores -- dinner prep.  picking up toys.  laundry.  etc.  why can't these be relaxing exercises?  it's not like i'm really ever doing anything terribly strenuous or inherently unpleasant.  it's the rushing/worrying that i 'need to be doing something else' that makes these things challenging.  so, bringing an attitude of mindfulness to these mundane activities should help.

wish me luck.  i'm going to try to journal my experiences -- just a SUPER quick one-liner each night so that i don't forget what i'm after -- and will report back.  i'm not expecting my life to change drastically, but i think that developing more of an awareness will be a good thing no matter what.