Sunday, September 23, 2012

taking a step back

one of the things i try very hard at
is to recognize when i'm stuck on the wrong path, formulate an appropriate plan, and FIX THINGS so that i can be -- well, happier.

i think that's why gretchen rub in's writing [her blog as well as her books] has spoken to me over the past few years.  it's not that she advocates doing anything that is mind-blowingly original or shocking.  it's just that she makes me feel NORMAL for undertaking my own happiness quests every so often -- big or small -- and even writing about them.

last week wasn't very much fun.  fatigue played a significant role, and unfortunately i don't see annabel's sleep situation miraculously changing overnight [though i DO have tentative plans for sleep-training once she hits 6 months -- which is soon].  but there were also a number of little things that were bothering me [perhaps because i was tired and therefore had a shorter fuse, but still . . .]

i laid awake last night and wrote a list [on my phone, in the dark]

specific things annoying me:
✔ our messy apartment.
✔ my failed attempt at cutting down on sugar.
✔ an overwhelming to-do list at work, including some rather painful [and gross] grunt work in lab.
 feeling very disorganized about said to-do list.
✔ too much time wasted on the internet.
✔ disorganized, disjointed wardrobe.
✔ not enough time -- especially focused, present time -- with annabel.  and feeling like her babyhood is just flashing by so quickly.
✔ a feeling of always feeling rushed.
✔ missed workouts [1 yoga + 1 run].
✔ overflowing email inboxes.
✔ schedules that i had to figure out [date nights, work schedules, etc -- all important if i want to have things to look forward to!]

yeah, it's a lot.
but somehow it really helped me to SEE all of this -- to know exactly what i want to work on to improve things.  i'm not aiming for the elusive "all" or some sort of mommy perfection.  i am not trying to reach some special victorious destination.  i just want to feel better in the moment, while life unfolds all around me.  

so.  i'll work on it.  i can spend a few minutes each night weeding through my wardrobe.  i WILL check off the looming work tasks, one by one.  i am going to stop worrying so much about sugar for the time being and just try to be reasonable about it -- honestly, i found myself craving it MORE when i tried to give it up, and i think this goal may need to wait until after i'm no longer breastfeeding.  i am going to take a deep breath and try to FORGET all of the to-dos when i have time with annabel, and i am going to try to wake up a little earlier [and go to bed earlier!] so that mornings aren't so rushed.

and i will give myself credit for every day, not just the 'good' ones.  because my intentions are good and  i am doing okay.

oh, and i also ordered a new planner.
i did enjoy using the bound for anything planner [see the link for my review], and i would still recommend the product to anyone looking for a compact package and custom experience.  plus, i'm proud of the company coming out of durham NC!  the quality was definitely there, but it honestly wasn't enough space for me.  i found myself having to carry around additional lists, and trying to cram a million to-dos into the daily spaces.  i could have used the notes pages for this, but i don't like having to flip back and forth.  

so in a moment of weakness last night, i pulled the trigger on an erin condren life planner.

photo from their website

this planner is a departure to my usual style and it's definitely pricey for a planner, but something just pulled me in.  it's girly, colorful, and TONS of space for goals, appointments, and to-do lists.  i customized mine with a family photo on the front [to bring me back to what is REALLY important every time i whip it out] and of course i'll share my review once it arrives.

call and late night list-making aside,
this was actually quite a fun weekend.  other than the above splurge, highlights included:

♥ a 10.5 mi run at ??? pace [mapmyrun says 8:52/mi but i am pretty certain i'm not going sub-9.  do others find this app overestimates speed?]

2 whole foods trips with annabel [what?  it's her favorite]

♥ 2 brunches out, with josh and a.

a fun movie [what to expect when you're expecting, which josh even admits he liked plus new music from aimee mann, ben folds five, and the head and the heart

a decent amount of floor time

i love her serious 'concentrating' look . . .

♥ one new diabetic, but otherwise not a whole lot of pager action

kitchen extravaganza tonight, including two batches of baby food [apple + carrot!] plus this uberhealthy real simple recipe:

quinoa with kale, sweet potatoes, and pesto

onward and upward!