Friday, September 21, 2012

feeling a little lame

this week started out well
i felt really organized and really motivated.  about . . . pretty much everything.  but apparently the effort/pressure on myself was too much, because:

a) i ended up in a very tense mood almost every night [mostly stressed about not getting everything on my list that i wanted to done and therefore 'failing' in some way]

b) josh noticed said mood [actually, he pointed it out to me -- but he was right] and was not thrilled about it

c) the week wasn't the panacea of productivity that i hoped it would be -- and i have to admit the luster of being back in lab has worn off a bit.  i'm currently in the middle of some boring and rather disgusting tasks at my lab bench that seem endless.  i'm really looking forward to going back to hospital/clinical duties for the month of october!

d) annabel has been getting up 2x/night to eat for the past week.  it's really tiring me out.  i'm grumpy about it, and annoyed at myself for being grumpy.  and i don't even feel like i can go to bed as early as i'd like because of pumping.

e) my attempt to cut out sugar didn't work very well, as i pretty much just replaced my ice cream consumption with chocolate and pumpkin beer.  <-- since that's what all had in the house!  NOT any healthier.  i know i can do better than this!

f) all of this stress seemed to wreak havoc on my milk supply, and even though i've really been trying NOT to worry about that so much -- it still bothered me.

g) michelle au posted this and all i could think of was:  am i the only mother/MD who actually does want to work less* than some of my peers [and take an appropriate status/pay cut]?  i felt like her piece made things seem more all-or-nothing than they really have to be.

h) i skipped my run last night.  in retrospect, this was the wrong choice.

on the up-side,
it's friday.  i'm on call this weekend, but still plan on enjoying it.

* ie, part-time -- an arrangement where i really could get extra time with family and not have to feel guilty about it?  does such a thing exist?