Friday, June 15, 2012

preoccupations

as i've mentioned approximately 83923 times in the past couple of weeks . . .
i'm headed back to work soon.  and i'm definitely preoccupied thinking about it!  while i'm trying to enjoy the last couple of weeks of SAHM-ism, i've started to get anxious about a few things coming up very shortly:


i'm headed to houston next weekend for a one-night overnight stay.  i'm presenting a poster at a conference [endo society anyone?], which i felt was an important step for me and something that i won't have many chances to do.  however, i have to admit that i'm sort of dreading this trip now.   our original plan was that annabel was going to come along [with josh!] but circumstances changed and instead i'm going to be going without her.  it's going to be a pump-fest!  anyone have experience traveling with a pump 'n' style and bag o' milk?


 i have a few work meetings and doctors' appointments next week - so annabel is actually going to get her first taste of day care very soon.  i hadn't planned on it, but our contract actually starts early due to availability, and then i figured it made sense to use that time to help with the transition.  i'll be taking her for just a couple of hours/day to start and not every day, but it will give me a chance to do things like go to the dentist + eye doctor before i go back to work.  monday is our tentative start, and i have to admit i had nightmares about this last night -- i'm not even sure WHAT i'm worried about, but i just have this sad unsettled feeling about it all.  and of course . . .


 i'm still absolutely obsessed and paranoid about pumping and my supply.  i know, i need to calm down.  but when i compare my AM yields to others [and the speed at which the milk comes out -- i'm typically attached to that #*&#@ thing for 30 minutes], it seems like i am on the low end of production*, and i just feel like it's going to be a problem.  i realize that if annabel has to receive some supplementary formula it won't be the end of the world, but . . . i. just. don't. want. to.**  plus, i envision this slippery slope where if i start supplementing, my supply will plummet and i won't even be able to feed her at night.


* i'm referring to pump-ability, not my actual supply.  i feel like i have enough for annabel as long as SHE can get it out, but i don't think i let down well to the pump.  perhaps when it becomes more routine this will improve!?


** i will if i have to obviously, but i will be sad.


easing in
ANYWAY. i really hope i can make things work.  yesterday, i did a little practice morning routine - just to see how things worked out, time-wise.  it went something like this:

4:30a --> a woke up hungry.  [for the past 3 nights, she's woken up to eat at 12-1 am and again at 4-5 am.  not fantastic but not terrible.]  she fed for a super-long time this morning -- something like 35 minutes!  
5:20a --> pump/eat.  [i am always hungry at this hour.]
6:10a --> run on treadmill 
7:00a --> a woke up just as i finished an interval run which took 42 minutes.  however, i think i typically will be sticking to shorter runs on work days [more like 30-35, or a 25 minute shred].  i feed her and get her all sweaty [sorry, a.]
7:20a --> shower + dry hair.  a. hangs out happily in her rock 'n' play just sitting there looking around.  i will be sad when these days end . . .
7:35a --> get dressed + get annabel dressed
7:45a --> miraculously, we'd be ready to leave by this point!  i'd estimate it would probably take a good 15 minutes to get everything i need and bring it out the door, and i'd be on the road by 8, which is fine for a non-clinic day.

this little dress rehearsal gave me a little more confidence on the schedule end of things.  i know the shift won't be easy, but i feel at least somewhat prepared.  by the way, that 4:30a wakeup call really doesn't bother me too much -- residency trained me to stop being scared of obscenely early wakeups.  i routinely set the alarm for 4 during my NICU and PICU blocks so that i could run and have a relaxed morning before the crazy day began, and i've never minded the wee hours.  it just necessitates an obscenely early bedtime!

and because i can't stand a photo-less post:
i got the ergo to work!  i hadn't loved it previously, but annabel does much better without the bulky infant insert.  i stuck a blanket in there to boost her up a bit and it functioned beautifully!


excuse the makeup-free look and disheveled hair.  i'll do better next time!

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6.14.12

dinner:  leftovers

workout:  4 x 1K @ 8:35/mi, 400m jogging in between each.  with warm-up/cool down i ended up with 4.4 mi in 42:27.  i can definitely tell i'm improving!