maybe.
i feel like i’m finally getting comfortable in my current SAHM [stay-at-home-mom] role.
i’m fitting in AM workouts. i’m keeping our house 2-bedroom apartment clean*. i’m rested. i’m having fun with friends — usually an outing per day, which is enough to keep cabin fever and loneliness at bay while preserving a’s important naptimes.
for the most part, i’m doing this on my own. and importantly, i’m really enjoying it. josh wasn’t able to come home last night, but i wasn’t balled up on the couch at 6pm feeling desperate for backup. as i gave annabel a bath and put her to bed myself, i felt self-sufficient and happy and calm. [and then i passed out at 8:30. yay!]
of course, i’m not really a SAHM. i’m just pretending to be one for 12 weeks, 10 of which are now over — and they really were lovely. but as i’ve mentioned, i do miss work and feel ready to go back. [note: SO glad i took the full 12 instead of 8, because i definitely did NOT feel this way back then, which would have made the transition much more painful].
i know the transition is going to come with a whole new set of challenges. instead of looking for ways to fill the hours, i know i’ll be wishing for more time in each day. i’m going to have to get used to things being a little less neat and a little more chaotic. i’m going to be putting in full days in lab/clinic, punctuated by pump breaks. and i will still be doing most of it on my own.
but right now — i feel . . . good. and confident! i can do this! a. and i are a team now. i feel more bonded to her every day — her soft cheeks, her smiles, her ridiculous expressions. i love her, and love being her mama. and therefore, trepidations about pumping aside, we will find a way to make things work.**
* relatively clean. with the help of our every-other-week cleaning service. i don’t deserve that much credit.
** this does not mean i will not have more meltdowns in the future. i realize that sometimes it’s still going to be HARD.
gratuitous video
of our morning playtime. i hope i will still be able to fit some of this in pre-work!
i would make this again, but probably not on a weeknight.
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