Tuesday, December 13, 2011

challenge

no one would call me mild-mannered. or quiet. or unflappable. i don't have even a hint of southern grace in me despite living in north carolina for the last nine and a half years.

i write a lot about mindfulness and zen and remaining present and staying calm.

that is because those things are incredibly challenging for me.

particularly in certain situations -- some of which are unavoidable, especially in my line of work.

i don't really want to go into any more detail, but this has been on my mind for a few days now and is weighing on me pretty heavily. after all, it's easy to fix a knowledge deficit or a bad habit. this feels more like a character flaw -- which i suppose it is, despite some of my efforts to fight it. and that hurts.

on the up-side, i tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, so if i'm happy i'm pretty darn exuberant! i have a lot of energy. i often form strong opinions. i think i am pretty reliable [read: obsessive] when it comes to the details of my job. i care about my patients and have wonderful relationships with a number of families.

clearly, no one is perfect [especially me]. but i try pretty hard at life. and i will work on this.