yesterday, i had the pleasure of visiting our [likely] future day care spot. despite the fact that i entered the duke day care waiting list on the day i saw that much-anticipated second line -- yes, literally! -- i'm #87 on the waiting list. for 25 spots.
apparently, sometimes things change and there may still be a [very slim] chance. however, i certainly can't bank on it!
so, off i went to tour another bright horizons location in the area. it came highly recommended from 2 women that i trust who have been very happy with the care there, including in the infant room. it also is on the way to my lab, and is so close to the lab's campus that theoretically i could hop on over there for lunch and breastfeed* -- probably taking just a few more minutes than if i had to sneak away to pump.
the tour was bittersweet. overall, i was completely impressed! the grounds were impeccably clean [and this was just a regular day -- not any open house or anything like that]. the [CUTE] babies in the infant room looked very content, crawling all around with close supervision. i was impressed by 'enrichment classes' on music, art, and movement offered to all of the children -- yes, even the babies. i witnessed instructors' casual interactions with older children that seemed genuinely kind and invested. i knew that i would feel confident bringing my child there.
so that made me happy -- but of course, also sad. in the beginning, it seems likely that my little 12-week old will be the smallest one there [the current babies in the infant room looked to be 5-6 months +]. i have to deal with the idea that more than half of my baby's waking hours will be spent . . . not with me. amazingly, josh and i will be the first parents in the immediate family to put our infant in day care, and both of us grew up with stay-at-home-mothers, at least for the early years.
so it's different, and i already know it will be hard. but it's really the only solution for us -- i simply cannot take any more maternity leave without extending my fellowship**, and we cannot afford a nanny at this juncture in our careers [day care = goodbye to half my paycheck -- ouch! although we've known that and have been preparing for a while].
BUT: like fellowship, this arrangement will be temporary. and it will be a chance to see how things work, so that we can figure out what we'd like for the future. and i feel confident that day care [at least this one] will be a safe and happy environment for our baby. and i guess that's really what matters!
* assuming BFing works out for me. i have already decided that i will try my absolute best to do so, but i refuse to hate myself if for some reason it doesn't work out.
** extending it further, i mean -- i'm already planning to stay an extra month
speaking of babies: 14.5 weeks
i know: i do a lot of that already. this blog has always been an honest reflection of what is on my mind, and right now THAT IS PRETTY MUCH IT.
i feel like i am starting to actually look pregnant rather than just fat, although i think it's still ambiguous to the uninformed observer.
i can feel my uterus popping out of my lower abdomen now, and i think the curve in my upper stomach is from everything else getting pushed higher up there by default. or, maybe it's just fat; cortisol levels are quite high in pregnancy, you know.
from the front the bump/curve is pretty subtle, but i no longer have a waist.
and i do kind of miss it a little. hopefully it will return eventually!
we will miss you, steve jobs
my own personal gesture of thanks and appreciation will be finally getting one of these: