last night, josh and i went out for thai -- i wanted to shake up our post-work routine a little -- and somewhere between my first and last sip of white wine i decided:
i am doing okay. or actually, better than okay -- i am doing great.and josh -- who i know has been frustrated and saddened at MY sadness through all this -- even agreed.
less than two months ago, i really hit a low point [exhibit A: here] with all of the TTC issues. i was unhappy and distracted most of the time.
i am not sure what has changed -- and no, it's not my level of β-HCG -- but i am just calmer and happier now. more at peace with the amount of time this is taking, at peace with my body [new clothes really helped!], and at peace with what my life is right now. i am able to think about other things, like yoga and moving to durham and upcoming travel [for both fun + work!].
part of what has helped is that i've just realized that there is no URGENCY. sometimes comparing myself to others my age makes me think that there is, but -- it's just not true. worst case scenario: let's say the next two YEARS are a fertility bust and i end up getting IVF at age 33. that would be okay. that isn't even that old! and in the meantime, i would have gotten to enjoy plenty of what childless life has to offer.
don't get me wrong -- i'm not going to start upping my mileage and i'm sure i will still get my hopes up every month [assuming i continue ovulating]! but i am determined to enjoy each day on this journey known as 'life', no matter what unexpected turns the path may take.
last week it was shoes; this week we're back to PAPER! i received an email yesterday notifying me that the daily planner now has a discount outlet site: the dp outlet*. ie: 'last season' stationery at slashed prices. um, dangerous?
[caroline, it totally made me think of you!]
* again, i just want to make it clear that i have received nothing from this company -- i just like them and thought you might, too!
workout: 30 minute power yoga session in the AM. i decided to move my weights/xt session to the weekend - my body just wanted rest! [and wine, apparently.]
i am a big fan of this durham establishment -- lovely service, great thai food, and a relaxed atmosphere. last night the temps were in the 70s, so josh and i even got to eat outside!
josh vetoed summer rolls, which are my standard [and favorite].
josh and i shared everything and left with no room for dessert, which is too bad, because: