Wednesday, March 30, 2011

challange = opportunity

calm amidst chaos
while i am sure the busiest day in pediatric endocrinology probably doesn't hold a candle to what josh experiences in surgery on a daily basis, yesterday was -- FOR ME -- quite a challenge.

diabetics seemed to be falling from the sky . . . and landing in our ED. a little girl with a more exotic diagnosis [details left out for HIPAA purposes] arrived for evaluation . . . at 5 pm. i was in clinic all morning with the on-service attending, so ended up fielding calls asking about 'the plan' [our recommendations for multiple patients] pretty much constantly until we were actually able to round at 3 pm.

a round of shots for everyone! but not the fun kind . . .

i'll be honest: i can't claim that i was zen and peaceful and happy through all of it. at different times, i felt scattered, frustrated, annoyed. the diabetes pager was relentless, and while i always composed myself once i answered it, the vibration seemed to shoot through me like a lightning bolt every time it went off while i was in the middle of doing something else.

all day, i had been looking forward to the power/yin yoga class i had planned to attend at 6 -- and then when 6 rolled around, i thought perhaps i could make it to the all levels class at 6:45 instead.

i have to admit this kept creeping into my mind all afternoon

we did finish by then -- but not with enough time to make it to the class, and besides, i had to go home and write multiple consult notes.

but: it was all okay.
several things occurred to me halway through that last patient encounter in the emergency room.

the most important and right place for me to be last night was exactly where i was -- helping the patient and family with their new diagnosis. even if it wasn't a medical emergency [and it wasn't, really -- which initially added to my fury], they needed the support and for someone to help explain what was going on. i was lucky enough to be on with an attending that provided an inspiring example of how to do this.

i am not that great at all of this zen stuff . . . yet! when challenged, i still become tired, anxious, and frustrated at times in spite of my best intentions. but every day is a chance for progress, and every tough experience is an opportunity to learn and grow. last night was one of those nights, and there was no 'failure' on my part. i also need to forgive myself for not being perfect -- just being aware of when i struggle is progress in itself.

stressing over whether i would or would not make it to any one yoga class truly defeats the purpose of going in the first place!

regroup: a happy ending
other times, i might have stormed home and then blown off my plans for yoga/meditation/reading/whatever. but last night i am happy to say that i was able to regroup and do my own 20 minute session -- and then move on to my clinic notes without misery or woe-is-me self-pity.

this morning, i plan to head in early to get a head start on the day. i probably won't be hanging out on the wards looking like this:

. . . but i'll keep practicing!

side crow, you will be mine . . .

and i will remember that life is a journey, not a destination. have a wonderful wednesday!



workout: 30 minute run outside in the AM; 20 minute yoga flow [the week 1 practice in the book 40DR]

dinner: leftovers!! cost-effective. efficient. delicious. yay!