last week i felt like i had no time and no energy.
this week, i have plenty of energy (some of it of the unpleasant and anxiety-fueled variety), but no time.
of course, that's a lie. the number of hours each week is a constant 168, so anyone who complains of having 'no time' is full of it.
so i suppose my issue is not lack of time, but a mismatch between hours available and the number of commitments and tasks on my plate. or a perceived mismatch, anyway.
work has been hectic, to say the least. yesterday i got over 30 pages during the 9 hours that i was covering. despite my best efforts to find flow and really focus on what i was doing, the entire day felt choppy and jarring -- and i can understand why. 30 pages/540 minutes works out to an average of one page every 18 minutes, many of which end up adding an item (sometimes urgent, sometimes not) to the ever-expanding work to-do list: new admits, faxes to send, outpatients to send to clinic, prescriptions to call in, consults to see, diabetics to counsel, ad nauseum.
SO. the point of all this is not simply to vent -- although that's tempting. i really want to figure out how to function better and more calmly in this overstimulatory environment. setting my intentions for the day might help . . .
1. fully focus on each patient, one at a time
2. treat the pager like an assistant calmly calling for help/advice rather than a screaming banshee full of URGENT! THINGS! TO DO! RIGHT! NOW! remember that it's okay to answer a call in 5 minutes (it doesn't have to be instantaneous).
3. remember that all of this is one big learning opportunity.
and if all else fails, i can remember that this IS temporary. while i don't believe in just 'getting through today to get to tomorrow', fellowship is a necessary phase of career-building that will hopefully allow me more freedom to work in a position that truly fits me someday (read: part-time and with a minimum of pager call).
furthermore, to see a break on the horizon, i actually don't have to look so far ahead at all. starting on monday i will be relieved of the pager for an entire month while i revisit the research realm.
and if that doesn't help soothe my jangled nerves, i can think of the fact that in 5 days, josh and i will be here:
yeah. all reasons why -- really -- i can't complain. or at least i shouldn't.
october cooking project
i've had a lovely run of making recipes from the last 2 issues of clean eating magazine. but i admit that i haven't felt terribly inspired in the kitchen lately. part of that was related to certain dietary habits that i had been falling into, but i think i was also craving some new inspiration.
cue the latest issue of one of my other favorite magazines:
josh likes to joke and call it "real complicated", because sometimes they do make having spotless and impeccably decorated living quarters seem just a bit too easy. but their recipes generally are true to the publication's name, with short ingredient lists and easy prep methods.
the october 2010 issue features a four week dinner plan -- 20 meals designed to be cooked over the course of 4 weeks.
while there is no chance that i am going to cook 5 times in a given week (3 is more realistic), i think that going through all 20 recipes sounds like a fun challenge! so along with the real simple editors, i will be going through all 20 sequentially -- and blogging about it, of course.
i'm excited for dinner already!
workout: 4 miles on the TM, 9:13/mi, 0.5% incline
snack attack report: perhaps one of the reasons i had more energy yesterday was that i took your advice and had a heartier lunch (leftovers from our asian feast)/lighter dinner. this helped me get to the end of the day without crashing, and i had no temptations to tear the cabinets apart in a foraging frenzy upon my arrival home! hooray.
study plan report: you know that part about 'not enough time'? i seem to be falling short EVERY night when i need to be studying. yesterday i was writing clinic notes and doing patient busywork past 9pm . . . i just have to hope today will not be quite as action-packed.