well, it had to happen eventually -- i think yesterday i can truly say i had my first mini meltdown of fellowship! despite desperately trying my hardest to stay on top of things and remain neutral in the face of what feels like a new-onset/DKA epidemic and an overactive inpatient service, i had HAD it by the end of the day yesterday.
the grant, my presentation, the HLS, and being on call for a solid week that turned out to be quite a busy one . . . none of these things are terrible, really! but it was just a lot. i finished my talk and was SO excited to sign out the pager at 5 pm when (of course) at 5:02, i received this lovely page:
it wasn't like it was a HUGE deal, but it meant driving back to the hospital (our conferences are at a building down the street) -- plus, there went my not-so-glamorous plans for the next hour, which were to finish up with a half dozen consult notes and discharge summaries from the flurry of the past 24 hours.
i tried to be adult about it and headed back to the hospital. things actually didn't end up taking too long, and i made it home before 7. i then spent the next hour and a half like this:
it was a discharge summary/consult party -- complete with a festive beverage. i can't imbibe when i'm on the pager (ie: the past 7 days) and i was seriously jonesing for a beer after watching josh enjoy them on multiple nights last week! (yeah, i know -- doesn't bode well for my little future project, but i'm sure i'll survive. plus, might as well enjoy it while i can, right?)
anyway, said beverage did not calm me down the way a nice run does and i proceeded to be as moody and obnoxious as all get-out until josh finally called me out on it. then came the tears that felt like they were going to come all day, and i was forgiven. stress is real! and no matter how mindful one tries to be about it sometimes (and i did -- i promise!), it can take a toll. sometimes tears can be therapeutic, though, and josh's understanding helped a lot.
there's no moral to this story, other than:
✔ running seems to be a better stress reliever than alcohol
✔ maybe it's better to just let it all out sometimes.
needless to say, i'm feeling more positive today.
although i AM behind on life. we never grocery shopped last weekened, so we've been living off of the cupboard/freezer contents (luckily, our bella beans arrives today). none of my precious weekly planning rituals have occurred, despite the fact that i'll be speaking about them in just a few days! emails are languishing in my inbox and i have not gotten a chance to plan out the chicago trip the way i would like to.
that's on tonight's agenda (along with loyo, which i was not able to squeeze between work and the aforementioned meltdown). but i have to give huge props to meg who devoted considerable time and energy to booking dinner reservations for saturday night! if you do not have dinner plans that night at the HLS, email me or meg if you would like to join us at brasserie JO at 7:15. the menu has a whole host of delicious looking things on it and i like the 'casual bistro' concept! we are limited to 10, so let us know as soon as you can.
based on last year, it will be nice to sit down in a smaller group for a while after all of the day's festivities! then i'm guessing that people will meet up again to go out later. i just hope i can last that long . . .
workout: rest day. necessary due to work, but i probably NEEDED the head-clearing of a nice run. about to do this now! sans pager.
brasserie JOSH: yes, last night marks the third time in a row that josh helped prepare dinner (to my credit, i DID bake the sweet potatoes). he also arrived home from work before i did -- what is the world coming to!?
the 1600-day-aged gouda hiding in along with the dr. praeger's veggie burger was the highlight of this meal. my kind of cheese!
board prep: on hold likely until next week. i think it will be okay.