for some reason, i've just been feeling . . . unsettled this week. i am antsy and anxious about research, annoyed and anxious about procedures and other residency-related things, and pessimistic and anxious about general life-plan stuff. YES, there is a common theme here.
and i can't even explain why, really. perhaps it's post-vacation blues, or being shoved back into routine only to find that it's a different one than i had been used to. i feel like i'm sort of floundering around work-wise -- partly because i don't know what i'm doing, and partly because i just don't feel like i'm in the groove yet. maybe it's taper madness. or seasonal affective disorder. or hormones.
(as a future endocrinologist, i think that EVERYTHING somehow relates to hormones, in the end, anyway!).
whatever the cause, i am ready to fight back. hello, mindfulness? THIS IS WHEN I NEED YOU. today, i will think about:
▪ acknowledging the doubts and worries that are inevitably going to pop up from the inner reaches of my brain, without letting them prevent me from moving forward. i will just give them a nod and go on about my business.
▪ making realistic plans for each day so that i don't feel overwhelmed right from the start
▪ really focusing on each task as i tackle it. breaks are wonderful and necessary, but continuous multitasking just isn't a strategy that works for me. this means: GOODBYE desktop twitter ap (you were fun while you lasted) and WELCOME BACK media diet!
i hope (really hope) all this doesn't make me sound too crazy. it's likely that i'm not the only one suffering from idiopathic (and likely multifactorial) winter duldrums, but i still feel slightly self-conscious posting this sort of pep talk online. hopefully it will perk up someone else's spirits as well -- or at least be a voice of commiseration!
thank you, siobhan, emily, and jenny for your incredibly helpful and insightful tips in the comments yesterday!
all 3 of you are role models to me in terms of doing amazing things in the lab while enjoying your lives, so your advice means so much to me. i am seriously considering printing out your words of wisdom to stick in the cover of my research notebook.
practicing what i
off to tackle the day's (manageable, appropriate) list!
workout: none. unfortunately, moodiness --> laziness + hibernation-type behavior --> more moodiness. time to break the cycle!
doin' time: nah. and to jenny who commented on the small size of tuesday's dinner: i woke up STARVING wednesday morning. it wasn't quite enough for me, either! i think i needed more carbs.
intubations: 2! plus an IV! HOLLA!