Sunday, June 18, 2006

fitter / happier / more productive . . .

one would think, given the fact that i haven't really done anything resembling 'work' since april or so, that my life would be totally together these days. as in: clean house, clean laundry, freezer filled with wholesome meals to be eaten when time becomes less plentiful, balanced budget, all loose ends tied back neatly. ok, fine, so there was a wedding and honeymoon in there somwhere, creating a fair amount of chaos.

BUT STILL! SERIOUSLY! i now think that the level of togetherness/organization that lives somewhere in my dreams of moleskine notebooks and hold everything containers is actually impossible. i have found that more i try to organize, the more my time gets sucked into some deep black hole of . . . of details. and there is no end! it's like there's a steady-state level of chaos, and one has to work very hard to get past that baseline . . and once one does, there is a limit to how close one can get to perfection, anyway*. i would draw a sigmoidal graph, but i don't want to break the nerd sound barrier.

or maybe i already have.

anyway, i try. i sort of apply a getting things done-inspired system to my day-to-day existence. it works to help lessen stress associated with big projects -- they seem less overwhelming, somehow, when they are broken into concrete doable pieces. but it doesn't help me get things done. it just corrals the mess of loose ends into something slightly prettier.

i suppose, like with many other things, the answer is acceptance. i can live my life in corralled chaos. i can even enjoy it. and someday, maybe everything will fall into place. but probably not -- and i am okay with that.

* unless you are vickie.

ps: maybe part of my problem is that i spend hours each day watching six feet under. however, i have no desire to quit. 3.5 seasons down, 1.5 to go . . .