Wednesday, December 08, 2004

mac attack

this will be my first blog entry every composed on a mac. obviously, i'm not at home in my cluttered 'office' (ie, half of dining room table). i'm instead broadcasting from the duke med center library, where i am trying very hard to motivate myself to study pharmacology.

here's what's bothering me a little:
this nagging, intrusive thought . . . almost obsession:

[strong]"if i put in x amount of hours, will it really matter anyway?"[/strong]

when i first embarked upon this 'i have the free time, so i will study and learn everything and be usmle goddess' mission, it seemed easy enough. make a schedule, put in many hours, and learn everything that i need to in due time. it's been a disheartening experience to discover that even though i took notes on a whole biochem review book, i couldn't recall the phenotype of phosphofructokinase deficiency (basically asymptomatic fructosuria - an obnoxious qbank question) and i still can't keep the types of hyperlipidemia straight.

one could say, 'but who cares if you can't answer the test question, at least you're learning', but i beg to differ. if i read something, and promptly forget what it is that i read, am i really learning anything at all? or am i just wasting time that could be spent on . . . i don't know, reading great works of literature (or, for that matter, juicy magazine trash) or getting the damn laundry done?