Tuesday, October 05, 2004

confession

i was walking up to my car in the parking garage yesterday afternoon and it hit me: i haven't had it this easy since i can remember.

i get up, when i want, usually after 8 hours of sleep. i roll into lab, whenever i want, and i learn how to do things and practice techniques. i get help from people who are patient and generous with their time.

i usually finish up at around 2 or 3 in the afternoon, because i have to get to class. i attend class, and it is sometimes interesting and sometimes boring, but rarely all that taxing. our tests are take-home (and infrequent), after all. after class, i go to the gym (and yoga on thursdays!) and typically arrive home around 6:30 or 7 with no obligations whatsoever. sure, there is the occasional reading for class or seminar, but this work is often doable in chunks of time while i am at the lab or at school. i make dinner (sometimes with help) or we eat leftovers (my favorite) and then . . .

every night it takes me several moments to come to the conclusion that there's nothing left that i have to do. i stand around dumbly for a few seconds -- shouldn't i be studying? isn't there homework? isn't there somewhere i'm supposed to be? -- and eventually sit down and start reading, or playing with my violin, or (well, if something good is on) i turn on the tv.

even now as i write this, i'm thinking, 'this can't be my life; the world is in shambles, and i'm still in medical school! i should be suffering, sleep-deprived, behind in every aspect of self-care/daily living.' but i'm not. and it's okay -- more than okay.

i know that this phase of my life is not going to last. once i start studying for the boards (less than a month away!), things are going to change very quickly. and when i get into a lab to really start phD research, i know it will become a lot more intense.

but for now - well, i'm glad i have it written down so that i can remember it: i love this life. the ashtanga yoga instructor said something the other day that sort of resonated with me: there is a culture on this campus (and much of this country, i would add) where being busy, sleep-deprived, exhausted, uncomfortable and unhappy is admired and almost glamorized. my admission that i am none of these things right now would be seen as shameful by some, i suppose, but i don't care. this is my revolt.

2 comments:

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For those that think I'm slacking, Sarah doesn't let me help her make dinner when it's one of her special projects... Although her friends from college may be surprised, she's an amazing chef! --Josh

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I just have to agree with the previous comment- Sarah's culinary skills have become incredible- I was extremely impressed that she tackled and succeeded in making the Cook's Chocolate Walnut Tart. Almost anyone else would look at that recipe and pass! (except maybe her Mom and sister!!) - CAH !!

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