Monday, July 21, 2014

Day #14/14 (!!!)

YAY!  Although I shouldn't celebrate just yet -- still have to get through the night.  I am rather spent and ready to go upstairs and just read for a little bit.  Today was spent furiously checking off boxes and getting through things -- but I have to say that in the end it was a productive day.

I listened to a Tara Brach podcast the other morning where she went through a series of guided reflections on living with a limited amount of time left.  She asked listeners to imagine how they might live with:

-- only 1 year left
-- only 1 month left
-- only 1 day left
-- only a few moments left

It was both interesting and sad to think about.  Our time here IS limited, even if we don't have a clear endpoint.  I don't want to waste any of it.


workout:  3 mile treadmill run -- IN THE EVENING!  Although I did it while A was still awake, while Josh put her to bed.  He sometimes (maybe 50% of the time?) misses bedtime altogether, so I figured this way they could get their father-daughter bonding in and I could have a successful day #1 of my experiment :)

I did quasi intervals: 6 - 7 mph, with 3 1 minute walk breaks.  Apparently I am a lot less energetic on nighttime runs.  (Also my butt is still sore from Sunday's barre3 workout.)

interesting:  Gretchen Rubin's post on stunt projects.  I am the queen of the stunt project (cooking through Martha Stewart's Great Food Fast, 9 million resolution/happiness goals, even this current blog series :) ).  I happen to really like them.  My take is that if the stunt project isn't enjoyable enough to continue after the defined endpoint is reached -- well then, perhaps it wasn't meant to be a permanent thing.

positive:  14/14!  Nothing negative about that!  Also, I caught up on a lot of nagging work tasks that were dragging me down.

picture: A's jersey may not be relevant anymore but it doesn't take away from her enthusiasm.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Days #12-13


and I'm ready.  While it hasn't been unbearable, I just need (NEED) a break.  Knowing that at any minute -- and throughout every night -- I just might be paged is fine for a few days, and then it just starts to get hard.

Luckily, there are only 2 more nights left!  This was an annoying weekend in that I was on call (and had new consults both days) and Josh was on call too, for the afternoons and overnights.  Note to self:  never attempt to do that again without childcare.  It was too stressful and too tiring.

On the plus side, we had some lovely family moments.  And I survived a trip to a party 45 minutes away by myself with both kids (WITH a last minute Whole Foods stop to pick up the components of a cheese plate).  I have to say that bringing both kids with me pretty much anywhere still makes me anxious.*   Will this wear off . . . ever?

In other news, I think I might try something radically different this week and attempt evening workouts, just as an experiment.  I know I said that I "couldn't" do them, but several of you made the excellent point that it's a lot more predictable that both children will be asleep at, say, 8:30 pm compared with 5:30 am.  The only downside is that I probably won't want to run outside in the dark, but seeing as our morning weather looks like this right now:

. . . I wouldn't really be missing out on much.

Tips?  Those of you that exercise at night, do you eat dinner superlate (like 9 pm)?  If I do that I will need to eat something pretty substantial before that or I cannot imagine having the energy to do anything.
I work out in the AM after just coffee, but I'm never that hungry at 5:30 am.

* About what, you might ask?  That one of them might have a crying fit/tantrum, that one of them (A) might try to run off, that one of them will fall or hurt themselves while I am dealing with the other one, that one of them will make some horrific mess (on themselves or someone else), that I will be without something essential -- continue ad nauseum.


workouts:  3.6 miles (in the above weather) on Saturday at 9:35/mi average, 30 minutes of a barre3 workout today

interesting:  A Diet of Distraction

positive:  I got in lots of lovely snuggle time with C today.

picture:  The blur doing a somersault on the mat is Annabel!  I'm so proud :)

Friday, July 18, 2014

Day #11/14

Feeling . . . more than a little off.  I guess 11 days in, this is to be expected.  It's not like it has been that rough (other than Wednesday night, agh!).  I'm just feeling tired and fragmented and just kind of ugh.

I'm tired of being interrupted every time I sit down to do anything.  I'm tired of answering work phone calls during those evening hours that A&C are awake, apologizing for the crying/whining/singing in the background.  I'm tired of feeling behind on things.  I'm tired of the 'postpartum' period and the scattered frumpy feelings that go with it.   I'm tired of the blasted pump.  And I am absolutely tired of getting up 2-3x per night, every night.

I guess I'm just . . . tired.  I really think things will be easier a few months from now, since a) taking time to pump at work and b) C not sleeping well yet are the two things that are probably causing everything else to be so difficult.


workout:  haha.  Does the above post sounds like I've been fitting in a lovely mood-and-energy-boosting session each morning?  (No.)  But I am determined to do something each day this weekend.

interesting:  Jaclyn Day's post on reading.  I really want to read regularly again.  I do miss it.  

positive:  It's 8:50 pm and I'm about to curl up in bed with a book (see above)!  

picture:  C wearing a special cap to have his head digitally scanned.  (Diagnosis: yep, it's kind of flat, although nice and symmetrically so.  We're going for a follow up visit in a month and then we have to decide one way or the other about a helmet.)