Saturday, August 27, 2016

B = f(P, E)

We are back in our house.
I am back to running.
For those reasons (and maybe more), I am feeling so peaceful and calm right now.  Despite being at work with one of the longest inpatient rounding lists I have seen since moving down here.

I was at a lecture on physician well-being (of all things) and the speaker, a psychologist, displayed the following equation in big print on his powerpoint slide:

B = f(P, E) 

B = behavior
P = person
E = environment

Behavior is a function of a person (and all of the complexities that come with that person!) and their environment.  And man oh MAN, did the past week (with the Great A/C Failure) illustrate this for me.  When everything was chaotic, I felt chaotic.  And I probably acted chaotic.  And it was just a horribly unpleasant time.  Everything in my life felt difficult.  I was so tired, and wasn't sleeping well.  I wasn't exercising which just made me feel even worse.  Everything felt like a crisis.  I know I complained like crazy to my coworkers (which probably got annoying) and I actually had a breakdown (yep, crying!) about something that in retrospect seems like sooooo not a big deal.

And now -- even though I have more work than I know what to do withI just feel so much better.  I rounded on many patients today and was able to do it without feeling panicky and out of control.  I feel like I provided really good and thoughtful care today, which is a great feeling.  I also feel like I cared for myself: slept well last night (only one work call), ran this AM before the kids were up, even took a few minutes to sit and use my meditation app before I hit the hospital for rounds.  All of this because my environment went from one where I was completely out of control to one where everything runs (fairly) smoothly.

Off to go home and spend the rest of the day with A&C.  Even though I will inevitably have calls to answer this oddly dose not throw me into a panic like it sometimes does.  This is a working weekend, as are 20% of my weekends, and I'm just feeling at peace with it.  And life in general.

Let's hope it lasts!!

Working and brand new A/C!

Wednesday, August 24, 2016



So.  It's been a week.  Camp ended over a week ago, and our routines haven't been back to 'normal' since Legoland.  Work has been at a level of busyness that I don't ever remember experiencing before.  I felt like I was hanging by a thread, and then our nanny took the kids home for 2 nights, for "Camp Pia" (her nickname).  Relief, right?  A little break!?

Aaaaand then I arrived home to a really hot house.  Our A/C died*.

Now, I know Miami Beach is not Arizona.  Our ambient temps typically rise to the high 80s, mayyyybe low 90s on a very hot day**.  But our house -- oh, it quickly became unliveable.  Something about the sun + lack of ventilation + lack of fans (we rely on A/C, admittedly) + the humidity -- currently it's 93 degrees in there and it is stifling.  So, we moved to my in-laws.

We are incredibly fortunate that Josh's parents live 2 blocks away and have a house that can easily accommodate our family (although of course this wasn't by accident!).  This move wouldn't have been that disruptive, except that for our kids it really was.  Cameron quickly went on a sleep strike.  Our kids are normally conked out by 8:30 every night (summer hours!) but over here he was playing furniture rugby at 10pm.  Laughing.  Mocking the exhausted looks on our faces.   Annabel has reacted to the change in routine with a lot of emotional lability and acting out.  And who can blame her?  I basically want to have a tantrum, too.

Our new A/C was partially installed yesterday and they are (HOPEFULLY!) finishing up today.  Our (only 3 year old) fridge stopped working in our 93+ degree house and I am fervently praying that it will resume functioning once the ambient temps return to a reasonable level (fooling myself!?).  I have been on full on survival mode.  I skipped a week of workouts, finally getting back to running this week.  I have been eating total crap the majority of the time.

OH and currently I'm on call.

Anyway, so I started out trying to be positive and realize how lucky I am that we had somewhere to go, and that life can continue on as usual.  But I am starting to just desperately yearn for normalcy.  School starts next week.  Hoping hoping HOPING that by then we are back in our house and resuming Our Usual Routines.

Hopefully coming up:
Nuuna notebook review
Pen-A-Palooza (review of various new pens that have been added to my life)
Hobonichi excitement (next year's covers and improvements are out!)
Lougewear/wardrobe thoughts (I want cute stuff to wear around the house)
Half marathon training plans

pre-training training plan 

A has entered a superhero phase

Cameron passing out on the floor at like 11 pm OMG

C enjoying a quiet moment at our friend's house

* It was 16 years old so yeah, it was probably time, but it's NEVER time, right?!

** Before you get too jealous, keep in mind that our lows are 80-82 and the humidity is always, always high.  Welcome to the tropics.

Monday, August 15, 2016

why I work out in the morning // weekend

Today I was off from work, rather randomly.  I had actually taken off because A had a dentist appointment and because August just looked rather bleak with no holidays or breaks built in*.  I didn't wake up early to run because a) I figured I'd have all day! with childcare! and b) I drank some rosé the night before and then stayed up to watch the Olympics, which was 100% worth it but yeah, I was tired.

Guess what, I didn't run today.  Our nanny had planned to whisk the kids away to her house, but Annabel wanted to stay with me and I didn't have the heart to refuse, as one on one time together really is pretty rare.  And in the end, it was a lovely day (we went to the museum, baked cookies together, swam**), but honestly would have been a nearly perfect day had I started with the workout I had planned.  Maybe someday I'll learn . . .

AAAAAND speaking of workouts:  WHO IS MOTIVATED BY THE OLYMPICS!?  Me ME MEEE!  I mean obviously I am not motivated to be an Olympian but it's just so inspiring to watch these amazing athletes that it makes me want to get closer to my own physical peak, even if it's a really really low one.   I am really getting the marathon itch and will consider for spring.  Maybe I could train for the Miami half (I really enjoy that race and did it in 2015 and 2016 so far) and then do a full in March or April.  It is 100% better to train during the winter months here, so that timing would make sense.  I just have to figure out whether I could realistically fit in those long runs.  Honestly I think I could but . . . I don't know.  The rest of the day I don't know if I could survive chasing after A&C!

Maybe I'll just do the half again and wait another year.  But getting my workouts done in the morning - that's just a necessity no matter what.


bday party bliss


wearing 2 different shoes, don't even ask

brainstorming weekend planning

mine & Annabel's

yes Cameron was here this weekend too!  
(he's hard to photograph though - usually a BLUR)

fishing @ Miami Children's Museum 

cheerleading tutorial!

Minnie Mouse exhibit had both kids captivated for a good 20 minutes

Gretchen Rubin interviewed in Flow magazine

baking project today

* although we ended up planning Legoland after I had already booked today, so today felt especially luxurious

** she can swim now!  I learned today that it's incredibly fun and relaxing to swim with a child who can swim.  Basically the total opposite of swimming with a child who cannot . . .