Saturday, November 18, 2017

random real simple rant on a Saturday morning . . .

I have subscribed to Real Simple mag for years.  I like the recipes, looking at the pretty interiors (though I am . . . allergic to doing any actual home decor of my own . . .), and even sometimes the memoir-type pieces.

It's a peaceful mindless read, something to flip through while sipping coffee and watching your kids do puzzles on the floor.

But in the latest issue, there's a piece in the back that is supposed to be humor.  But somehow . . . it didn't feel funny; at least not to me.  The author, Raquel D'Apice, is a comedian with a young child, and she published a parenting/humor book last year.  There is so much to laugh at when it comes to raising kids -- I get that.  But I felt oddly accosted by her jokes in the RS piece, entitled "I'm Letting This Magic 8 Ball Make All My Decisions".  

I absolutely get that it's tongue-in-cheek, silly, etc.  But I also feel like it needlessly reinforces the narratives that -- in my opinion -- have no place in today's society.

Narratives like:

- It is simply the right thing to do to leave your career to be home with your babies.  Especially if you are female. 

- You should feel very very guilty about this.  Especially if you are female.

I am NOT NOT NOT knocking stay-at-home mothers, and I know many of you who read this blog fit this profile!  Staying home with kids IS hard work, and there are many great reasons to stay home.  To me, the most valid is that you want to, because you don't want to miss out on the baby/toddler/young kid years, and you know you won't get them back.  This I can get absolutely on board with.  And I have had those pangs myself.  But they are wistfulness pangs, not guilt pangs.  There is a huge difference.

Or, perhaps it just logistically doesn't make sense to stay in the work force financially, or you were sick of your prior career anyway and welcome a fresh start in a few years.  Or maybe your baby is medically complex or has special needs that you aren't confident could be met in childcare.   Stay home for those reasons, and I'm sure there are more.   

But please don't stay home in the name of martyrdom.  Or guilt.  Or to avoid "paying a stranger".

I NEVER leave comments like this, but could not help myself today . . .


Happy Saturday.  We have a family-filled weekend up ahead and I'm excited about it . . . and not the least bit guilty that my kids look forward to "Mommy Daddy" days -- which are not every day, but certainly come frequently enough.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

there is a season (turn, turn, turn) . . .

I was off today, and it was great.

Laura and I recorded three podcasts - taking us all the way to the end of 2017!  I am really and truly so excited for many of these episodes.  Laura has some writerly connections that I definitely do not, and we were able to snag some really fun guest voices for some of these episodes, and we address some hot topics -- maternity leave & the return to work, for example, is coming up!

We also recorded . . . drumroll . . . .PLANNERPALOOZA, which is episode 20.  WOOHOO!  Spoiler alert - it's mostly me talking, and I get into the serious details of my planning system.  It got me all geared up for 2018 already, though this will be the first New Year I'll be ringing in with a (near) NewBORN (C was born in February and A in April).

Tomorrow I am giving a talk at a local American Diabetes Association conference, and then I am essentially DONE with big projects until B-DAY (baby day?  can we make that a thing?  D-day for due date sounds too ominous, plus what are the odds of 2/3 arriving exactly on schedule?!).

I am definitely not done with work, but that's okay.  I can handle seeing patients and doing residency interviews + planning.  I am just finished with large hanging-over-my-head-types of responsibilities (i.e., tomorrow's talk).  For the next few month.

I had one of those washes of poignancy tonight, probably provoked by the book I am reading (Why Time Flies by Alan Burdick, which actually gets pretty philosophical at some points).  I am actually finding it a bit of a slog at times (need to return to novels . . .) BUT I was struck by a discussion about what 'the present' actually is.  Ancient philosophers noted that the "real" present is really an infinitely small little point, one that cannot even be captured or processed; by the time you've done that, IT'S OVER.

Key quote: "You only taste the beautiful in the particular, in the transient, in the timely, in relation to what will pass away."  

My present (from a practical standpoint, not as a pinprick of an instant) is a full life with a great job, rewarding hobbies, wonderful husband, and 2 kids, although in truth it's still changing and evolving every single day, as we all grow, evolve, and age.  It's about to change a lot, though, which will bring today's concept of present into the decided PAST.   Life with 2 kids vs life with 3.

Filing this snapshot and memories of this season in my forever memory.  It has been a great one!

Monday, November 13, 2017

weekend report / 36 week update

We did a lot this weekend - so much that I couldn't bring myself to run this AM (wanted to, but truly felt too tired and at this juncture, I'm not going to ignore those kinds of internal pleas to get more rest!).

But despite fatigue, I can say it was one of those weekends I truly enjoyed.  I got in enough time for me (rested; did barre3; did some podcast prep - including one that we recorded today that had me in full-on fangirl mode - I hope it went okay!).  And we had a date night, which is always nice, and it had been a while!  But I also had a lot of fun with the kids.  I am learning over and over again that the keys are to DO SOCIAL THINGS and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.  These two things always work for me.  And both require at least a little bit of planning but soooo pay off.

- did barre3 workout/aforementioned podcast prep in AM; I told Josh he was in charge of kids

- 10:30 am - 4pm - marathon playdate (first at playground, then at their house/pool) - with a family I had meant to reach out to for some time, because their daughter is in K with A and their son is in Cameron's preschool class!  It went really well overall and the kids had a blast. 

- date night - out for Indian (random craving?) and then we saw a community theater production of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.  Admittedly we only saw half of it - the first act lasted an hour and 45 minutes and I was sooooo tired / uncomfortable in my chair that I asked Josh if he wouldn't mind leaving (he was fine w/ it).  But honestly, it was good!  And thought provoking - it was clearly a farce/satire sort of musical but still had glimpses of what it must have been like to be a working woman half a century ago.  And we were home so I could pass out before 11 pm, so I'm glad we bailed. 

- We were supposed to go to the Book Fair but I had misread the details and -- as it turns out -- the main portion of the fair is next weekend.  Luckily neither of us are on call then, either.  So with a blank-slate day in front of us and decent weather, I suggested the zoo.  For the first time, we trusted the kids enough NOT to jump out of one of those surrey-bike type things and we pedaled around for 2 hours and then hit the playground/splash area.  We tired them out so thoroughly that Cameron slept 4:30 pm until 5:45 am.  We tried to wake him for dinner (like tried pretty hard!) but it failed so . . . I guess he needed it.  Annabel also took a 2 hour nap and still went to bed just fine.  Wow.

new phone background!

baby giraffe!

loving everything

- I passed out at 8:30.  And I was off today (so I didn't need to do my usual early AM workout/planning/etc!).  So C's wakeup didn't bother me one bit :)

36 weeks:
My office threw me a HUGE shower complete with about 834723 baby outfits so this little one is going to be the best dressed ever despite my (futile) attempts at minimalism.  I also went through A's clothes (some I had saved, and some a dear friend sent back to me!) so we have bags with outfits in each size -- admittedly not all washed yet, but that will come.

it was QUITE a surprise honestly!  I did not think 3rd babies were supposed to get anything. . . I feel like I've already exceeded my official allotment of babies!
But it was lovely.

As I write this I'm 36 2/7 weeks.  And we are somewhat ready for a baby!  The bassinet came in the mail on Friday, and the Vitamin D drops arrived today.  @*$#!# is getting real.

At the zoo, taking an A/C break in the reptile exhibit.  It was hot!  But I survived.

For posterity (honestly, mostly for MY posterity as I love to look back at times like this!):

Symptoms: some nausea/random aversions at times but nowhere near first tri levels, starting to have some leg swelling/foot swelling when I sit for prolonged periods, TIRED

Rings: still wearing 'em.  For now.

Weight gained: 22 lbs.  I think my 'final' weight will be in a similar range for all 3.  And EVERY TIME I did the same thing - gain a ton first tri, then slow waaaaay down ending up with a lowish-but-normal total.   So if this is you - don't panic.  

Workouts:  Still doing them - ran/walked 3 times last week + one barre3 prenatal session (Saturday).  All of my running was at 5mph on the treadmill last week, with walk breaks.

Last week:
M - 35 min, run 5 / walk 2 x 5

T - rest

W - 32 min, ran 10 / walked 2 / ran 8 / walked 2 / ran 10

R - rest

F - 30 min, ran 12 (1 mi!) / walked 2 / ran 13 (another 1.1 mi) / walked 3

S - prenatal barre3 (30 min)

Sun - zoo (lots of walking/biking on the surrey thing but no real workout)

Measuring:  Don't know, my OB stopped measuring after the 34 week appointment.  And I have had only one U/S at 20 weeks.  I think my OBGYN is on the laissez-faire side (and I'm not necessarily so thrilled about that . . .) as I know I had a growth scan of some kind with both A&C!  

Impatience:  I'm not impatient in terms of discomfort but I am dying to know WHEN this baby will come, what she will look like, and honestly I have a little anxiety about never even seeing her face (she was blocking it at the 20 week anatomy scan with her hands) so I guess I just want . . . ANSWERS.  And concrete plans.  Which obviously at this point are an impossibility, but oh well!  3 weeks + 5 days . . . or less . . . or more . . . to go!  Will do another one of these at 38 weeks which will be THANKSGIVING weekend already.  How did that happen!?