Thursday, April 19, 2018

still here . . . #itsaseason

Not only am I short on time these days, but I am short on energy too.  #itsaseason #itsaseason #itsaseason, right?

I guess I forgot how hard this part is.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  


1) Genevieve is really cute.  As you can see from the photo below, she's really not getting enough nutrition from me.

15 lb 4 oz @ 4 months // 88% weight, 70% height

HAHAHAHA.  This would be funny.  However, despite appearances it's still a struggle and continues to be one of my biggest stressors.  I am somehow keeping up (although we just started some baby oatmeal, so I can no longer say she's exclusively breast fed -- ps I hate that term, it sounds so elitist).  But I can only pump ~12 oz most days (work AND morning pump) and -- as a baby her size probably needs 25-30 oz/day, she's up eating all night long to compensate.  

I guess this is "reverse cycling".  It's supposed to be a "great" way to maintain supply for working women.  Except a) being up every 2-3 hrs all night is really tiring and b) my supply seems to be slowly dropping anyway.

2) It's hard to keep up at work when one is as chronically tired as I am AND constantly being stressed out/interrupted by the need to pump.  I am all for the Fifth Trimester movement and its positivity.  But you know what?  I AM NOT AS EFFICIENT AT MY JOB RIGHT NOW.  At all.  And I have concrete metrics to prove it, including the fact that I now always seem to be behind on charts and I have 987327 emails that need addressing in my inbox right now.

3) I am (gasp) not happy with my planner.  I KNOW.  It's too small.  I sort of knew this might happen - after 4 years of using the Hobonichi Cousin, I took the plunge and moved to a regular (much smaller) Hobonichi.  I technically can fit all I need to fit in there, but it's visually cluttered and much less pleasant for me to use.  I am moving into a new system (will show it once it's here . . . .) to better suit this #itsaseason time.  

PlannerFail.  Yes, it happens to all of us.

4) On that note, I have 94 unread emails in my non-work inbox, am a month behind on budgeting, and feel itchy when I think about how many random commitments and important items I just haven't had the energy to address.  

(Maybe you all can help me with one of them:  where should we stay, as a family, in Portland -- potentially near Laurelhurst park -- and Seattle?  Recommendations welcome if you've had a great hotel or inn experience in either region.)

5) I keep looking back in my own blog to figure out when I started to feel human again with A&C.  It appears that with A, I was doing lots of running and going on date nights by the the 4 month mark.  With C, it took a bit longer.  Both of them were sleeping really poorly at 4 months and much better by 6.  And I had the exact same milk issues with all 3.

all 3 together being cute

6) I am on call but thankfully it hasn't been nearly as crazy as the last call week so far.  In fact, I may actually get a chance to get caught up (both at work + in life).  I am greatly looking forward to feeling  a little less behind in all realms.

7) Exercise has mostly fallen by the wayside.   Which is sad.  But I am determined to be back by the time G is 6 months.  I really miss running especially after reading all of the Boston Marathon coverage!  (PS I've alllllways loved Desi Linden -- she seems so REAL and I particularly love that she's as short as I am :) )

8) I am almost done with Beartown.  Just woah.  I do like it a lot more than I liked A Man Called Ove.  And apparently there is going to be a sequel, which I will definitely read.

9) I've been listening to some new podcasts lately -- will have to do a post on some newfound favorites 

10) It is time to pump.   I will leave you all with wise words from Mrs Adrienne Bosh:

"In between goals is a thing called . . . Life.  And it's meant to be lived and enjoyed."
Keeping this in mind through these weeks.  Even during #itsaseason.

Monday, April 09, 2018

time poor

I know Laura has time diary data to back up the fact that women with young children (under 2, I believe?) have the least free time.

I'm pretty sure, however, that I will have more time by the time she's 2.*

I actually had a really nice today and felt mostly rested!  This is because G slept 7:15 pm - 1:15 am last night.  Now, she also ate at 4:15 am (and I got up to pump at 5:15 am) but let me tell you -- those early hours of sleep are gold.  Also, I went to bed at 8:30 pm.  Which was a smart move, and what I should be doing most nights.

(. . . not watching This Is Us until 10).

I finished 10/12 of my patient notes today, pumped 3x, called back some patients, ate 3 meals + 2 snacks**, and drank 8332 cups of mother's milk tea.

I did zero housework.  (Our nanny did a ton.  Oh my god I cannot imagine surviving right now without her.)

I answered zero emails.  Sorry to anyone who has written lately -- I promise I will respond!  Eventually.

Leisure-ish time:
- 23 minute yoga with Adriene

- reading while pumping?  I'm trying to make this feel as relaxing as possible . . . currently reading Beartown by Fredrik Backman.  I am one of the few people that didn't love A Man Called Ove (too . . . twee or something?)  but I love this one.

- writing this post in approximately 12 minutes (the first part while kids finish watching an episode of Spirit and the second just before heading to bed)

- listening to podcasts while commuting (for the record:  All Songs Considered music mix from last week, NPR's Up First, and Forever 35's Mini-Episode)

WELL.  It's 9pm.  Off to bed.  I will close with a pic from A's 6th birthday party***, which was a rip-roaring success.  And with that, Kid Birthday Season is over until G turns one in December.

* Famous last words if she turns out to be a horrendous sleeper later on -- please no!

** Not consumed in leisurely fashion.  At all.

*** Cooking party at Real Food Academy - locals, I highly recommend!

Saturday, April 07, 2018

floating, flailing, floundering? maybe all 3

The 5th Trimester continues.

I've been at work for 1 month now.  It seems like longer, somehow.  It also feels like I will be pumping between patients forever.  And that I will never have my *&$@# together again.  Because I definitely don't now.

It's a beautiful season
It's a cute season
It's a selfless season

Things I am not currently doing:

- #1 Exercising.  Like AT ALL for the past 2 weeks, other than a walk with a friend on Saturdays and sometimes random walks when I'm off.  I'm too tired to get up early to do it, and there aren't other logical places to fit it in.  Thankfully breastfeeding burns a lot of calories*, but man I miss my endorphin highs and generally feeling fit.

- #2 Sleeping more than 3 hrs at a time.  Yeah.  She's almost 4 months.  Looking back at my blog apparently Cameron did this too.  I cannot decide if it's nature's way of maintaining my milk supply (and it does seem to be working, having fewer issues keeping up, yay) OR she is just going through  4 month sleep regression.  On that note, we're still swaddling.  She doesn't really settle otherwise.

Last night I went to bed at 9, she was up at 11, then 2:30, then 6, then 7.  This is a normal night for her.  She ate well at all times.  I read about other babies her age sleeping 7-3 or 9-6 and will admit  . . . I'm jealous!

- #3 Keeping up with documentation at work.  I used to be pretty much 100% on closing all charts before leaving work, but that was before I had to devote approximately 90 minutes of my work day to coaxing milk out of my breasts.  This has led to catchup on weekends, my days off, etc.  Plus I'm less efficient when I'm there, because TIRED.  See #2.

- #4 Having much quality time with Josh.  I have been trying to go to bed at 9 pm most nights because it's the only way I can wake up feeling human (ie if G eats at 11, 2, and 5 and then I have to get up and pump on work days).

- #5 Having much patience with A&C.  Sigh.  Too tired.  Yes, there is a theme here . . .

- #6 My planning routines!  And as a result, I feel disastrously scattered and, as expected, keep bumping into annoying scheduling conflicts or missed details that end up being more stress and more work.  BAHHH.  At least we finished our taxes . . .

- #7 Journaling and meditating.  I could really use some reflective time.  I just don't have the space or energy (though I am writing this post, so there's that!).

- #8 Fighting off infections. OMG, we've had a sick month.  I started having URI symptoms at the start of my call week 2.5 weeks ago.  I still have a sore throat and all this gunk back there.  The kids have been sick**.  Fevers.  Coughs.  BLAHHHH.  Once we finally all recover,  I really really really hope this will be it for a while.  We were actually pretty healthy from January until mid-March!  I definitely notice these things hitting in prolonged waves.

Okay.  She's still asleep (for now . . .) so I will attempt to go through the mail and get my life in order . . . Josh just took the 2 big ones for several hours (THANK YOU BABE) so I am going to try to make the most of this time!

* ie so I haven't gained 8243 lbs, but I haven't lost the last of my baby weight either.  And body composition-wise I still do NOT feel back to 'normal' or even close.  Thank goodness for leggings, stretchy lower rise pants, and wrap dresses!  AND perspective b/c I honestly care much less this time than I did the other 2!

** Genevieve has actually had the fewest symptoms, though her snotty nose is super sad