Tuesday, March 20, 2018

5th tri blues

What can I say . . . the Fifth Trimester is kind of kicking my ass.  I honestly don't remember feeling this emotionally or physically wrecked the past two times -- or maybe it's just that my memories are fuzzy and rose-colored.  Because a quick scroll-through ye olde blog archives does reveal that a) I was tired and b) I had the same freakouts about milk/pumping (ad nauseum).   However, I guess I do appreciate the transience of it all a bit more.  I am less apt to care about how often she's waking up because I don't see it as a forever thing.  I honestly could care less about my lumpy still-postpartum-feeling body, because I know it's something I can address once the season of pumping/feeding is over.  I am not questioning my career choices -- even though I am honestly NOT thrilled to be working right now*, I know I will feel differently in a few months.

So, I'm going forward.  Ounce by ounce (of milk, of course).  One day at a time.

5 good things:

1) Our residency program FILLED!  In fact, we did extremely well in the match considering we are a brand new program!  Very very excited to welcome our first class this summer.  (On that note, I will have been an attending/non-trainee physician for 5 years by the time they start!  How did that happen?!)

2) I have streamlined my makeup routine to about 3 minutes (what can I say . . . I'm unwilling to spend much more time on this!).  Product I am currently enjoying: Dior Glow Nude.  I put on a really light swipe of it, and I think it makes me look . . . at least somewhat alive.

3) I am meditating.  Using the Calm app.  I think I like Headspace better, but Calm has more free features and I don't want to do a pay subscription again for now (plus I exhausted my allowance on another Lotuff bag.  Oops.)

4) Laura must have known I'd be overwhelmed, because we are way ahead in podcast recordings!  Whew.  Today's episode features an emergency medicine physician, and I really enjoyed getting another medical voice in there!  As always, you can listen here or on your usual podcast apps.  And I'm trying to get us added to Spotify.

5) I have gone to bed 9 pm or earlier 3 out of the past 4 nights.  This is apparently the key to survival right now.


1) I'm starting a call week (!!!)

2) I'm somewhat sick and I think G is too (mildly).

Wish us luck.



* PS: My patients need to stop asking me (typically delivered with a knowing look) how I feel to be back.  Maybe they mean well, but it makes me want to just say "Actually, I'd really prefer to be home with my 3 month old baby".  What do they want me to say!?!?

Thursday, March 15, 2018



I didn't mean to disappear for a week, but I guess that's what happens when you add a baby + pumping regimen to an already-full work life, or a nearly-full-time job to home life with 2 big kids + a baby.   It has been an adjustment, to say the least.

Work me vs Home me:

Yes, that's a bathroom pic on the left - not sure where else to take work selfies . . .

I'm smiling in both pictures, but there has been plenty of stress and fatigue. 

taken at the end of my niece's bday party.  napping.

I only have a few minutes before the kids are up, but to summarize:

- My full patient days are HARD when pumping is added to the mix.  I had my first 'real' one Tuesday and have another one today.  Having Wednesday off in the middle was really helpful (I used my day off to finish my notes!), but unfortunately not all of my weeks are structured like that.

- I am pumping 4x/day (1 before work, 3 at work).  No, still not pumping on commute, but I may try it next week (in the AM).  I have been able to make enough every day.  I have decided NOT to pump on days that I am not working.  It's just better for G and my own sanity, because otherwise she's playing catchup all day.  Reminding myself that the goal is to make ENOUGH, not feed the freezer.  I have a reasonable stash already.

- G seems to be doing better overall -- she had gone through a really fussy phase in the evenings that was REALLY stressing me out.  But the last few nights have gone well.  Last night she went to bed at 6:45 pm (though I did top her off at 7:15 pm when she cried, but she went right back down).

- I have several big work projects that I'm excited about.  I am looking forward to July when I am officially 25% GME (graduate medical education).

- MATCH DAY IS TOMORROW!  We found out our program filled (fantastic news for a brand new program!) on Monday.  

- I have made the decision to really push hard on the pumping until June, when G will be 6 months.  Then I will re-evaluate.  This means keeping other commitments fairly minimal (workouts, nights away, conferences, etc).   

- Don't worry, blog / podcast aren't going anywhere :)  But there may be fewer posts for a while.  Laura was very smart and basically forced us to get a month ahead in the podcast recording department, so this will be a bit slower for a while too.  (Although I still love receiving your questions!  Keep them coming, we've got several slated for upcoming shows already!)

- I basically have to go to bed at 9 pm if I have work the next morning.  Accepting this as the new normal.  For now.

We will figure it out. Together.

(interestingly -- to me anyway -- A&G have the same hair + skin tone; C is my outlier!)

Friday, March 09, 2018

Goals Review! Quintile 1 (Jan 1 - Mar 4)

Q1 Goals:
1) Focused time with A&C Daily:
I tried to do this many days, but didn't necessarily structure it as well as I could have.  I think they respond better when they are AWARE it is the special time and it is clearly delineated!  Something I am continuing to work on.  It is currently hard as G's bedtime and their bedtime are similar and now that I am back at work, my slices of time are generally with all 3 at once (sometimes with Josh, sometimes alone).  But I can use my days off for this purpose and want to be better about it!  10-15 minutes with each kid is enough to make a difference.

2) Family dinners Sundays
Yes!  I cooked almost every Sunday during Q1.  I got in the habit of having our nanny shop on Friday for weekend supplies - a luxury I know, but if I didn't do this I'd probably just place an online order to be delivered Friday evenings.  It turns out the barrier wasn't the cooking itself - but the shopping & planning.  I made several recipes from Milk Street magazine, as well as these delicious lasagna roll-ups from Brittany's blog and continue to heavily use Run Fast Eat Slow.

3) DIA method / exercise 5x/week
Yep!  I did switch from DIA to Mommastrong at the end, but I've done something most days of the week.  I've done a little bit of running, but not a ton.  I've also gone for some walks (usually with G in the Ergo).  I wouldn't say I've been working out particularly hard, but I have been consistent about getting something in with a focus on core strength.

4) Outline book (chapters, aims, ideas)
I do have a chapter list and a 2 page summary done . . . but I'd like to have a more fleshed-out outline.  However, I decided I wanted to do the planning makeovers first to see what I'd learn from those before going further!  These are scheduled for March (I chose 4 victims volunteers last week!) and I'm excited to see how things go!

5) Kon-Mari Home
I did many categories but not all.  Of course G has already grown out of her carefully-arranged newborn (and 0-3) clothing already!  Ah well.  (On that note . . . I'm SOO excited for THIS SHOW!).

6) Combine A&C Rooms
CHECK.  A's clothes and toys are still in her old room (and G's are in A&Cs . . . sigh), but we've got bunk beds and a functional nursery complete with crib.  Moving stuff around can come later.  The transition to bunk beds went shockingly well.

Q1 Habits:
1) Read daily.  CHECK.  I read 17 books in Q1.  I'm still on my 1st book in Q2 (pretty sure it's NOT going to be the reading fest that maternity leave was!).  I did love this habit, though, and am continuing with reading every morning during my initial pump session!

2) Moment < 90 minutes.   I did well in January - and just okay in Feb.  But I'm improving in March! I find it really helps NOT to start the day with scrolling (reading/journaling instead).  By the way, I do use the "exclude" feature to cut out time spent on google maps, spotify, YNAB, etc.  My big time-wasters/distracters are Mail, Instagram, Feedly, Safari, and texting, so I'm mostly focused on those.

Q1 Bucket List:
1) A&C Ice skate.  Didn't happen!  Josh wasn't that excited about it, and given that I was essentially attached to G, this did not come to fruition.  Maybe next winter (or I guess any time really, since it's indoors and never actually ice skating weather here . . . ).

2)  Read 10 books.  17, as noted above.  CHECK.

3) Listen to album daily.  I did this all through January and it was fun!  Then I started slacking.  I really enjoyed getting to know some new music through this project and really exploring the 2017 'best of' lists.  I am now making a point of doing "Music Monday" every week on my commute; I need to be better about turning it on in the house -- we have a Sonos system so it's so easy; I just don't know why I don't always do it upon arriving home!  It really does add something to the mood and it's just a nice part of life that I otherwise miss out on.

4) 3 date nights.  We went on one without G, and even that one was a struggle!  (We did have a fun basketball game night WITH her).  We have a very willing babysitter.  I just really struggled with leaving G, which is odd since you'd think a 3rd kid would be easier to detach from.  As her bedtime has drifted earlier, this should get easier and easier . . . although last night I was up at 12, 1:40, and 4, so I'm not sure how excited I'd be to go to bed late (which for me these days is any time after about 9:30).

That's it!  Q2 goals to come on Monday - time to do a quick run while G hopefully remains asleep . . .

- #1 - most of G's months 1-3 - enjoying her happy faces and snuggles, being amazed by her rapid growth & development, and surviving the early pumps, night wakes, and sleep deprivation

- N&N's wedding 
- Wild Kratts live!
- C's 4th bday party
- Back to work prep (hair / makeup / wardrobe!)
- Podcast recordings galore & getting a great response to the Planning Makeover Survey

Some wonderful friend sent me this glossier Haloscope highlighter and Boy Brow pomade, presumably after reading the post where I said I wanted one . . . I think!?   But there was no CARD! WHO ARE YOU, KIND MAKEUP SENDER?!  Please reveal yourself!